Hi I am from Bangladesh.. Williams Supplement essay

Hi I am from Bangladesh applying to US colleges this year. I wrote this essay for Williams supplement . I would greatly appreciate if someone could give me some reviews on it.

Prompt : Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Gazing through the broken window, I see a bleak picture; a picture that wants to shackle me up in the matrix of corruption, poverty and helplessness. I see the politicians at each other's throats and the country falling to the deepest pit ever. I hear the laments of a youth begging for his life and I hear the laughter of political gang men stamping him to death in front of hundreds of people. I see the officers taking bribe under the table and I see the people dejected because they have not got their deal being unable to bribe. I see miles long traffic jam and I see patients dying on the ambulance. I see rickshaw pullers toiling day and night just for three meals a day and I see people who do not really know what they want to do with their money. This is the bleak picture of Bangladesh I see.

I see all these and ask myself, 'is it the worst of times?' Suddenly I remember the unforgettable lines of A Tale of Two cities, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness". Like Dickens, my hopes spring up despite the winter of despair. The youth inside me charges up in vigor to break all barriers. I want to put resistance to those gang men even if that means I have to face the same fate like the youth. Through honesty, I want to bring smile to those dejected faces who cannot bribe. I want to exercise the Independence we won forty one years ago at the expense of three million lives. The people of Bengal knew nothing about fighting militarily yet they won the Liberation War by dint of their sheer courage and patriotism. The same blood that flows in my veins makes me more audacious and optimistic to build a country that our forefathers always dreamed of.

hey tone down on the bashing of your own country....i mean write t in a subtle manner including points u like abt your country. U write this in bangladesh itll be seen as a true picture but the college people wudnt like someone who calls his own country "bleak" nd stuff! rephrase!

p.s.- i too need help!!

I definitely agree on toning down on your own country! Bashing on where you come from isn't a good thing, but I think if you rewrote it in a more subtle tone then it would be better.

Please press "like" on my comment on the far right of this post :)

and I seeMohaiminul
the people the people dejected...


dying in the ambulance


to me it seems incomplete. rephrase?

help me with mine?

I don't suggest toning it down, it what makes the essay stand out, and it makes you seem very passionate, the first paragraph was good, maybe I'd change some of the verb usage, the second was okayyy, needs a better connection to the beginning.