or how they don't like taxes on candies and water bottles.
There are taxes on candies and water bottles? And I think that gadgets such as iPods, laptops etc would be more relevant, no?
You also need to firmly establish that you were involved in founding the AYP, because I had to do some work to figure it out. First rule of essay writing: Never make the guy reading it do any work to understand what you are trying to get across.
Case in point:
when I first thought of the American Youth Parliament.
I thought that you meant that you first thought about being involved in an already established program. I would change it to "thought up of", to make it more clear that you actually got the idea of founding the program.
they leave the classroom locking
and forgetting those thoughts away
Doesnt read well
This non-partisan and independent educational project enables the
transmissionfree flow of ideas, innovative learning, and independent thinking.
Looks real good otherwise... and damn, thats something pretty awesome to be involved in!