This is my first post on this grea forum, I really appreaciate it if you can help me proofread this essay, and if will be great if you can help me cut 20-30 words. thanks!!!
My mom stood up from her armchair and applauded as she always did when I gracefully stroke the last note of Summer, a piece of music I learnt recently, on my keyboard piano. "Beautiful! Who wrote it?" Soon after admitting my ignorance to her question, I searched for the composer of Summer on the Internet simply for the sake of exploring more about the music itself, which was my favorite. "Joe Higashi!" I exclaimed to my revelation. Yes, Summer was composed by Joe Higashi-Higashi the composer, Higashi the Japanese.
As a Chinese, witnessing the ubiquity of Toyota and Honda rushing on my motherland nowadays where once laid millions of bleeding bodies of innocent Chinese civilians slaughtered by Japanese bayonets during WWII, my attitude towards Japanese has always been a complicated one. Exposing myself to the Japanese culture was traumatic and I tried to make myself immune to venom of it. Nevertheless, inherently a music addict, I was totally awestruck by the delicacy and beauty transmitted by the melody of Summer. Joe Higashi is now my idol, his music broke down my emotional "Berlin Wall" and guided me to concern and eventually embrace a culture which repulsed* me. The kernel of music contains no political conspiracy, no national hatred, no racial discrimination; it contains nothing but the beauty of music itself. Summer eliminated all my previous unwarranted bias towards the Japanese culture, and later introduced Hiraku (my net friend from Japan), ikenaba and sushi into my world to enrich my life. Every time the melody of Summer was blowing in the wind, I realized that something I cherished was also shared by the Japanese, who cherished music as much as I did and sometimes in the same way as I did.
Such is the role of music: a lingua franca. In a world rife with diversity, a particular thing which I cannot exactly name is shared by all human beings regardless of their background and culture. For me, that "particular thing" was music. An insuppressible passion and love for music genetically embedded in everyone's heart and soul. Joe must be happy, because he can exchange his joy and sorrow with people from all over the world even if the only thing they have in common was music.
Being brought up in a remote Chinese city where foreign cultures could hardly reach, I once felt isolated from the vast world outside and frustrated that my curiosity about the outside world cannot always be satiated. But my circumstance changed soon after I got inspired by Joe Higashi and got embarked on my career as an amateur composer. I taught myself music composition and bought my first upright piano when I was already 16. After months of hard work, I finally published my virgin composition, which was rather experimental and was far from euphonious, on the Internet. The very moment when I received my first encouragement and accolade on the Internet from a British musician was the moment when I truly felt happy, probably as happy as Joe Higashi. After one year of training, my music can now be played not only on the piano in my house but also on the school's radio program. In Nov.2008, I was awarded "the best composer of the month" by a major original music website in China.
For the world, music is a lingua franca which can convert people's emotion to a language which is comprehensible to all human beings. For me, music is a bridge which links me to people from all over the world who are all inherently philharmonic. I am happy to compose not only because of the pure pleasure of composition, but also because of the friendship I have forged with interesting people with various backgrounds who shared my love for music. By the time my online music received its 10000th click, I was assured that music is something worthwhile to dedicate my lifelong passion, because it can offer me a position where I can be happy in the international arena*.
As a Chinese, witnessing the ubiquity of Toyota and Honda rushing on my motherland nowadays where once laid millions of bleeding bodies of innocent Chinese civilians slaughtered by Japanese bayonets during WWII, my attitude towards Japanese has always been a complicated one. Exposing myself to the Japanese culture was traumatic and I tried to make myself immune to venom of it.
This is not comfortable reading, and can be compressed easily. You want to express your uninformed thinking in a contrast to what you learned; but the contrast need not be so stark. Eliminate the part about the bodies and the venom, and just relate that you had some cultural discomfort with Japanese culture. It will have the same effect in a much more balanced way.
