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'Bare minimum grade' - a personal accomplishment, contribution or experience


natsuken 2 / 7  
Nov 18, 2009   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *

"You will never be successful in life," my classmate, Mike told me with a smirk on his face. Mike didn't think that I was smart enough to make it into university, needless to say, become a professional engineer. He was a schoolmate of mine for 3 years and believed that I could never make it into a university and that a leopard could never change its spots. I strongly disagree with this saying and I am determined to detach this notion and stereotypical thought in others through myself as an example.

The bare minimum grade was something I strived for back in school. Then, school was never of utmost priority in my life. Having the minimum GPA to graduate in order to keep my worried parents off my tail was sufficient for me. I was indulged in all sorts of activities in my life, but nothing academically related. Busy with my social life and working hard in my part time job, everything then seemed to fall in place for me. It was only the day I received my diploma signifying graduation that made me realize that the picture I had painted before me was not impressive at all. Looking at my transcript, it showed a graduating GPA of 1.7279. Definitely something not to be proud of, it made me ponder, "Was this really me?"

Right after graduation, I was enlisted into the army. My experience in the army changed me drastically. It pulled me back to earth and made me realize that only through hardship and sacrifices could rewards then be reaped.

Today, I can safely say that I have grown wiser and more mature. I know that this is the last hurdle before I step out into the working world and my future depends on this. With my studies and future prioritized, I am more than ever determined to succeed. I know that in this road to success, I would have to overcome many new obstacles. Many times, whenever I feel discouraged by an incident, I would reflect back on my past and tell myself, "I've been to the deep end, there's nowhere to go but up." As I imagine my future, I can see myself equipped with a UC Berkeley degree in my hands. I would visit my old friend, Mike. He would then already be well aware of the international acclaim that I had received through my innovative creations and research papers. Then, I would relish the moment when my friend, Mike acknowledges that I had indeed succeeded and I would whisper to him, "A leopard can definitely change its spots".
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 21, 2009   #2
Hi Kenneth, please start a new thread for every new essay. It helps us stay organized.

Also, if you want people to review your work, you should look at some essays and give them help, and then give them this link you your essay here: https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-2/bare-minimum-grade-accomplishment-contribution-10707/

No need to give Mike's name -- it's an unnecessary detail, meaningless to the reader. This is a good idea to always keep in mind -- no unnecessary details.

Use commas:
He was a schoolmate of mine for three years and believed that I could never make it into a university; he spoke to me that cliche, "A leopard can never change its spots." I strongly disagree with this saying, and I am determined to detach this notion and stereotypical thought in others through myself as an example.---->awesome idea! Good...

Back then, school was never...

Hey, I see your use of "Mike" again at the end, and it is excellent. I changed my mind about what I said before. It is often better not to bother giving names of people you mention... but in this essay Mike plays a big role. I think I was wrong, and you did great with the way you included Mike in the story.

I like this essay a lot.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 21, 2009   #3
This js a good essay...just a few minor things;

...my classmate, Mike told me with a smirk on his face.

The bare minimum grade was something I strove for back in school.

I was indulged in all sorts of activities in my life, but nothing academically related.

Busy with my social life and working hard in my part time job, everything then seemed to fall into place for me.

It was only the day I received my diploma signifying graduation that made meI realized that the picture I had painted of myself was not impressive at all.

Definitely not something not to be proud of, it made me ponder, "Was this really me?"

I know that on this road to success, I will have to overcome many new obstacles.

Many times, whenever I feel discouraged by an incident, I would reflect back on my past and tell myself, "I've been to the deep end, there's nowhere to go but up."

Nice job tying the essay all together by reflecting back on your opening at the end.
OP natsuken 2 / 7  
Nov 21, 2009   #4
kevin and susan, you guys are great.

keep up the good work!
fifseventy 1 / 5  
Nov 21, 2009   #5
I don't have much suggestions about the structure or sentences. The first paragraph is kind sad, but I'm not sure if it's too detailed...you can just say many people think you can't success or so...just my opinion...

However, the next thing I want to mention may have huge meaning to you: I think you should spend more time telling the army influnence on you....reason below:

I think this is a very important experience, and in a conference I attended in UCLA(actually this friday morning), the speaker specially emphasized that if you are enlisted, tell them you experience, and that's one of their consideration...

I think, to them, especially right now when the U.S. is fighting wars in some areas, soldiers are given more attention, and you may want to gain that attention since you have such experience...

and in fact, i think you can really dig something in the army life that has a huge impact on you, just be more specific, and be real...

good luck~

-----------------------
here is mine, help me if you can...
OP natsuken 2 / 7  
Nov 21, 2009   #6
fifseventy, i really would like to help you.

but u didn't leave the link to your essay.

if you see this, plese give me the link to your essay
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 23, 2009   #7
Hi Kenneth, all you have to do is click the person's name. I think maybe we should be clearer about that, so people will know. Click the username to see all of the person's work.


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