I really need feedback on these content and grammar-wise. Anything is helpful. And I have no idea how to finish off the second one, so any advice on that is much appreciated.
A. What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College and why do you think the College would be a good match for you? (100-250 words)
If I could personify Barnard College with human physique and character, she'd be tall and majestically framed with an enthralling, dauntless way about her that could make anyone who was fortunate enough to be in the same room as her drop their conversation and zone in on what she has to say. And what she said spoke to me quite plainly. Of course I can't express it with the same eloquence she exerted, but it was something along these lines: "I'll make my mark on this world, and I won't allow my femininity to diminish the impact. If you let me, I can make your passion and enthusiasm harmonize with your academic pursuit, and engulf you in empowerment and women's excellence." I guess you could say that I was, without a doubt, thoroughly captivated at that point.
From what a Barnard alumna has told me of her experience, she has yet to find other college alumni whose confidence and audacity match that of Barnard women. I want in on everything that that statement implies about the environment in which Barnard women are bred. That's why Barnard is my first choice; from the Global Symposia to the school's location in America's most multicultural city, I know that Barnard is the perfect place for me to expand upon my newfound interests in global welfare and intercultural understanding. I so vividly see myself walking through those Barnard gates, challenging my limits, and investigating diverse perspectives among this fearlessly driven community of female intellect.
B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about? (100-250 words)
As a fellow Georgia native and devoted Christian, I have an affinity for the mid-20th century writer, Flannery O'Connor. Her stories go beyond the purpose of storytelling; in such a uniquely powerful way, she teaches me about God, grace, humility, and much more through her characters and their oversights. She isn't afraid to shock her readers through the sometimes harsh social commentary found in between her carefully composed lines. Timelessly relevant, her stories' shock factor has held a grip on my attention since I first began reading her work about a year ago.
Perhaps a picnic in a field in her hometown of Milledgeville, GA would be a suitable place for us to discuss our spirituality and faith, and how her fatal health condition influenced her final, darkest stories. The conversation couldn't go without me applauding her bold yet solicitous concern for the well-being of society's morals. However, I wouldn't feel satisfied without asking about her criticism of MLK as not being "the age's greatest saint", and of the "philosophizing prophesying pontificating kind, the James Baldwin kind" of black people that influenced the Civil Rights Movement.
C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid. (100-250 words)
Moving across the country at 17 was daunting in itself, not to mention the anxiety that would come with re-establishing myself in a new community and maintaining stability in my education. If I wanted to remain an International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma candidate, I was going to have to pick up a new Higher Level (HL) course, since my new school doesn't provide HL French or Economics. Initially, my only options were HL Biology or Math, until I found out that my school had recently opened up an HL Film course. I'd never taken a film class, or even given a second thought to filmmaking in my life. Thus, HL Film naturally seemed to be the most fitting journey to embark on.
Admittedly, coming into the class I felt intimidated by the fact that I was the only one with zero film background--I didn't even know how to hold a camera, forget about the actual filmmaking process. However, I love English, and figured that film is nothing more than literature in a cinematic context. I wasn't completely wrong, and my strength in English did help me a lot, but what I did not predict is how my mindset would totally change as it relates to cinema. I can't even watch movies anymore without considering, for instance, how the cinematographer's choice of framing comments on the role of women in society. Now, I'm so glad I grabbed the opportunity to discover a field that I never knew I'd come to love.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Breonna, the forum has a one essay per thread ruling. That means I can only review the first essay in this thread. You need to start a new thread for the second essay so that we can review it properly. The forum team will delete the second and third essay once they see it so you should do yourself a favor and start the second and third individual thread before they do that. Now, on to my review for the first essay in this thread.
In reference to the elegance and majestic quality of the Barnard College, there is a portion where you make reference to your femininity in the sentence. I would not use the word diminish, as that shows a lack of confidence or belief in the feminist cause. Instead, I would like to hear you say that your femininity will increase the impact of your influence on the world. That shows the mindset and confidence of a 21st century woman.
As for the reference to the graduate of the university, if she has not written a recommendation letter for you, which will allow you to use her name specifically as a reference in this essay, then you should not mention her at all. In fact, you can drop the reference to the alumna and just present the paragraph starting with " That's why Barnard is my first choice..." That paragraph strongly supports the narrative in the first paragraph and gives the reviewer an abstract look at the way that you view the reasons as to why you wish to attend Barnard.
