Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


Barnard Supplement Essays: Why Barnard?; Unafraid; Perspective; Woman


bullmoose 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2012   #1
Each essay has to be 1000 characters or less. Can anyone edit these for me?

A. How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

In response to repeated pressure from parents, teachers, and counselors I embarked upon my college search last spring. While researching options I was lucky to stumble upon Barnard College. Barnard struck me as a much more enriching experience and a more suitable home for the next chapter of my life than the other colleges I was considering at the time. After reading essays by Barnard women, most recently "Why Women Should Stop Trying to Be Perfect" by Debora Spar, I was convinced that the self-possessed, independent, and logical attitude that Barnard women have would help me achieve my academic goals and encourage my own personal growth. Both Barnard's unique environment, which combines the empowerment and community of an all women's private liberal arts college with the resources of a large co-ed university, and the innovative Nine Ways of Knowing that would allow me to explore all facets of learning have made applying to Barnard irresistible.

B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
I would expect to find her in the basement, examining the wood and metal objects in the cabinets. Far removed from her time, I doubt she would recognize these oddly colored figures as rifles if not for their familiar shape. But, undoubtedly, Annie Oakley would know her favorite tool.

^Is this a good start? I'm having an awful time trying to write this one.

C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.

"First one today, hope this works!"
The scrappy Kiwi laughs as I follow him into the crane where my friend sits.
"I can't believe you're actually going to do this Abby. What if it snaps?"
Always reassuring, she reminds me that anyone who jumps off a perfectly good structure is insane. I try to laugh it off, but as the crane escalates, so does my nervousness.

Standing 140 feet tall the platform jolts to a stop and emits a loud, menacing screech.
"You're up! Don't think and definitely don't look down!"
He clips the bungee chord on.
I inch to the edge and freeze.
Anxiously, I weigh my options: step back and call it off like any sensible person would, or take the leap.
Seconds tick by, then minutes.
I close my eyes and lean forward.
Gravity rips me down and the bungee chord jerks me up, transforming me into a ragdoll on a string. For the first four seconds I cannot breath, and then, suddenly, I can. Shaking but elated I return to earth, grateful I did not allow fear to rob me of this experience.

D. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

For the past four years my mornings, afternoons, and weekends have been dominated by JROTC. Being consistently surrounded by sweaty teenagers and yelled at daily has taught me two things: wear deodorant and take everything in stride. By requiring pristine excellence but still allowing for error, JROTC has created an environment in which I have both succeeded and failed. In many ways my failures have been as equally instrumental in developing my attitude toward life as my successes. Through them I have come to understand that allowing a failure to frustrate and anger me is equivalent to blinding myself to potential knowledge and forbidding myself from maturing. If I remain open to introspection and reflection in the wake of a perceived failure, I can confidently consider it a success. As a Barnard woman in one of the most prominent cities in the world I would have a multitude of opportunities in which I could either succeed or fail, and even in failing, always succeed.
glady91 1 / 3  
Oct 28, 2012   #2
Hello,

I like these essays because they show your personality - especially the one about bungee jumping. The use of dialogue was very nice.

for the first one- I would add concrete details. What trait exactly do you have that matches with what the community of Barnard has? I like how you added things you've read - makes it seem like you really has researched and know where you're applying!

second one- that's a nice start if you really dive into why you want to converse with her! what is it about the new discoveries she studies? Why rifles? For now, it is a good hook, just get at what the question is asking.

third one- my favorite! I like how I can see your voice in it. I can see a snapshot into your life, which college admission counselors are looking for. The beginning few lines take up a little too much time - since I don't yet know what's going on its confusing. Its good to have the suspense and hook to have the reader want to find out, but not that long. So, combine the first lines (until you get to when you say what you're doing).

forth- what is JROTC??? Its hard to read because I don't know what you're talking about. Nice sentence variation. Add more at the end connecting this experience to Barnard.

Overall- strong! Just minor additions and tweaks.
alecblumenfeld 5 / 9 1  
Oct 29, 2012   #3
just comments here, your opening statement is strong it diferentes the school, but i dont really care for the last one's format.


Home / Undergraduate / Barnard Supplement Essays: Why Barnard?; Unafraid; Perspective; Woman
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳