Any suggestions will help. One question: do I answer the prompt enough? Does it take me too long to get to my conclusion? Thanks!
prompt: If you have a full hour to meet with a government representative or community leader, what one issue of concern would you raise and why? (1000 characters or fully developed paragraph)
I believe that all problems can in someway be solved through education. I have been fortunate enough to attend great schools and be raised by motivating parents but, my situation is unique. According to OECD data, the average graduation rate in the United States is 72 percent, about twenty percent below Poland, Denmark, Japan, and Germany among others. America is on par with Slovakia, Ireland, and Iceland, all countries with considerably smaller GDPs. I believe these statistics underscore the mediocrity of the American school systems, our nation's apathy in solving our education problems, and the negative impact this can have on our country's success. Thus, for my hour I would talk with Arne Duncan, the U.S. Secretary of Education. I would encourage him to seriously research the schooling systems of top ranking countries such as Japan, Finland, and Australia. It is time for a complete transformation in order to see what changes we should make we must observe how successful school systems are managed. This is the key to improving our education system and through it our nation.
it is also a tad bit long at this point..
AHH OMG WE PICKED THE SAME PERSON! :)
Thats actually so weird cuz I thought I was being unique and stuff...ok well on to your essay now
I think you make good points, and obviously I think you pick a good person to meet with, but I think you need to make it a bit more personal. Why do YOU care? What about education is significant to you. The admissions people are looking to learn about you not about the issue so make sure that you show them something about who you are.
Would you mind looking at mine? Thanks!
