Stanford supplemental essay: what matters to you and why?(250 words)
My grandfather's baseball passion shaped me
I love witness a double play. I get up from my seat to celebrate a stolen base. I even revel in the smell of hot dogs around the stadium. But what I most love is watching baseball with my grandfather. I was 5 years old when he took me to my first game. Since that day, the sport became an obsession and I watched every Dodgers game with him. Baseball allowed me to make a strong connection with my grandfather. I loved our long conversations and his stories about when he was a professional player.
Unfortunately, my grandfather developed Alzheimer his last year. He also lost the mobility of his body and became a reserved person. I started to take care of him and watched baseball with him even knowing he wouldn't pay attention. I just wanted him to recover his passion that made him feel alive. Until one day, he surprised me celebrating a Grandal's Home Run against Chicago Cubs. My grandfather died a week later but at least he smiled again and watched the rest of the series with the same passion I remembered.
Though he'd love me to follow his steps and become a professional player, he told me to embrace my passion for mathematics. "A talent always comes with a responsibility", that's what he always said. I want to be like my grandfather and use my interest for mathematics to change other people lives, just like my grandfather used his baseball passion to change mine.
"I love to witness a double play."
"I get up from my seat to celebrate a stolen base."
Could be rewritten to create a stronger image. Maybe:
"Stolen bases invigorate me to the point where I spill my popcorn." Something like that
"But what I most love"
Should read "But what I love most "
"Baseball allowed me to create a strong connection with my grandfather."
"Until one day, he surprisedme celebrating a"
It looks like you're missing a word between "me" and "celebrating".
"A talent always comes with a responsibility",
You'll want to put the comma before the quotation mark. Also, quite comparable to "with great power comes great responsibility"
What matters to you?: Baseball
Why: Because of my grandfather
I'm not sure whether or not your last paragraph is necessary. The prompt does not ask for any information about what you speak about there but... meh. In my opinion, it takes focus away from the relationship between you and your grandfather by introducing the mathematics topic. I'm sure someone will rebuke me.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,907 3559
Antonio, this essay is confusing in content. Which is it that matters most to you? Your grandfather, the time spent with your grandfather, or the baseball play? When you are asked to discuss what matters to you, the essay is premised on the fact that there is something in your life that you treasure dearly. Rather than focusing baseball and the time you spent with your grandfather watching it, you can opt to rather say that what you value the most is the time you spent with your grandfather. That way, you can integrate your final paragraph into the overall sense of the essay. At the moment, that paragraph carries importance in the narrative, but is presented in an irrelevant manner so it does not merge well with the earlier paragraphs. In order to keep that paragraph relevant, you will need to revise the first few paragraphs of your essay to slowly introduce that statement.