"Basketball player, Secretary and Treasurer" - Rutgers Admission Essay

I have completed my admission essay for Rutgers University. The max is 3800 characters with spaces and I believe I just made it. Please help me revise and give some feedback. Thank you so much.

Instructions:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

The term precedent is defined as an example that is used to justify similar occurrences at a later time. I have always pushed myself to set a precedent for my family. Considering that I am going to be the first person in my family to attend a university, I knew I would have to become a leader if I wished to achieve my goal. Not only did I have to start from scratch; however, I had to set a vivid example in every activity I pursued in. This has been the lifelong guideline that has indomitably affected all of my family and peers around me.

Leadership has been embedded in my body throughout high school. As Secretary and Treasurer of my class for three years, and the creator of the Muslim Student Association club, I've experienced numerous tasks that must be addressed in order to become a leader. Outside of the desks and chalkboards, I've actively participated in sports such as basketball and volleyball. In both these sports I've held captain positions that have made me the person I am today. Although being a leader may seem blunt to the common eye, it has proven to be one of the most challenging obstacles of my life.

During my 2nd week of basketball, our team had a very intense practice. My coach exclaimed that if we did not listen to his instructions, than he would not hesitate to make us run. Our star player was the first to test our coach's guts by talking during a drill. My coach emphatically yelled at him. In addition, he made him run 30 sprints up and down the basketball court. As I watched him be put through such punishment, I knew that I had to do something. I ran next to my teammate and began to run with him. The rest of the team followed me like a commander and his army. I soon realized I had just set an example as a leader. My coach smiled and said, "Well looks like you boys are starting to become a family, take a water break." I came out of that practice as a leader of my team and with confidence that I could use in the future.

Sharing you're attained knowledge and contributing it has proved to be essential to the success of a community. Such leadership described above will allow me to contribute a variety of social influence to the Rutgers community. Social influence that will help others gain confidence from precedents that I set and will help my peers accomplish even their most difficult tasks. Moreover, social influence that will help others create new innovations that will benefit the Rutgers community. I am more than certain that my leadership background and prior experiences will help contribute new ideas, overwhelming confidence, and motivation to the Rutgers community.

Attending one the most multicultural high schools in New Jersey, I have learned that having such a variety of backgrounds can do nothing more but help you. Rutgers being one of the most diversely populated schools in America, I look forward to benefiting from all the knowledge that the community will bring me. Such a diverse community will help me prepare for the future. Rutgers will teach me to work with anyone of any background which is a crucial requirement in a workplace. I will benefit from such an assorted community because I will learn to value others differences and promote cultural understanding. Great benefits like these will allow me to engage in accomplishing anything I put my mind towards.

As I have dug my face into loads of research I have come across many questions I have to ask myself before picking the right college for me. I must ask myself, what is best for me and me only? Where will I feel the most at home? Finally, which university will guide me on the right path to my future? Rutgers University came was my answer to all of those questions. There is no doubt that I want to become a Scarlet Knight at Rutgers University.

sharing your attained knowledge
Simple spelling mistakes will mar your chances so take care.


You cannot contribute with social influence, you can contribute with social perspectives. Influence is an active verb, you cannot contribute it.


attending one of the most...


I have learned that such a wide variety of backgrounds can do nothing but help you.


others'


Rutgers University was my answer to all...

On the whole a well written essay.