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Bates supplement essay contribute to the vitality of Bates?


damo 9 / 36  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
In addition to the Common Application essay, please respond in two or three paragraphs to the following question:

* How will you, with your life experiences, contribute to the vitality of Bates?

Never in my life have I given up. I have always been a hard worker who doesn't back down from a challenge. I do not quit until I have surpassed the task at hand, and set the bar at an entirely new altitude. In combination with this attitude of self-confidence, I am also incredibly outgoing. This blend makes me the ultimate entrepreneur, and an individual that brings strength and liveliness to every single location that I come in contact with.

However, in the same breath, I'm companionate and caring. The last thing that I want to do is make someone feel bad and I always go out of my way to lend a helping hand. May it be helping an elderly woman with opening a door, or carrying a bulky box for a complete stranger who has a disability, I always try to help. The same situation occurs identically in the classroom. The majority of the time, I am one of the few students in class that completely understand the subject being taught. I consistently end up assisting many of the other students during class. It may be that I have such an energy about me, or maybe just because I comprehend the curriculum, but I always seem to be of assistance.

These attributes, along with many others, will stay true at Bates. They were developed at a young age and have stayed with me through elementary and middle school. I have always stood out in my classes and in my life. I am exciting to be around, yet, I always complete my usually lengthy list of tasks. I know for a fact that at Bates, I can contribute to the vitality, if not take it to the next level.

please help I will return the favor
jpg_76 3 / 18  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
in the first para you could provide a few examples; you give all these declarations without saying anything to back them up
how are you a hard worker? what challenge haven't you back down from?

second para: the example is kinda cliche
The same situation occurs identically in the classroom. The majority of the time, I am one of the few students in class thatwho completely understands the subject being taught thus(idk if thats the right word) consistently end up (when you say "end up" it sounds like you're forced to help) assistsing many of the other students during class. It may be that I have such an energy about me, or maybe just because I comprehend the curriculum, but I always seem to be of assistance.(this is redundant)

third para: how have you "stood out?"; how are you "exciting?"

so you just need to add some evidence to back up your claims; other than its fine

good luck

can you read mine, please


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