I have worked out several versions on this, but none seemed satisfying. Is it too story-telling? Do I show that i'm intellectually engaged? Please give me your critism on this essay!! Thank you all!!
Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. (250 words or fewer)
I quietly knelt down on the floor. My breath was held. My body was still. My eyes were focused on the black little spot on the wall. After seconds of motionlessness, I slowly raised my arm. Then all in an instant, I slapped on the wall. "Ha-ha! I finally got you!" I thought happily to myself. Just as I opened my fist and expected to see my trophy, I heard a buzz and saw a dot flashing into the distance. I couldn't believe it; I must have killed the annoying mosquito! I was acting with such caution as to avoid alarming the insect, then how could it detect the coming danger?
However, when I searched the Internet to find out how this tiny creature had managed to escape, I was even more astonished: mosquitoes are equipped with compound eyes, the same biological structure found in dragonflies. At that time, dragonflies and mosquitoes were completely irrelevant to me, the former beautiful and beneficial, while the latter bloody and harmful. But there is indeed a build-in link between these two seemingly unrelated species.
The idea that things fundamentally in common may be conveyed in entirely different appearances appealed to me greatly. From the anatomic similarity between whale fins and bat wings, to the genetic closeness between chimpanzees and humans, my knowledge range continued expanding. Enjoying myself discovering the inherent connections among creatures, I know I have found what I love-experiencing the magic of life, and unveiling the mystery of life.
I couldn't believe it; I must have killed the annoying mosquito!
I had felt certain that I killed it!
(I don't know how to explain why I make this suggestion. Just see if you like it. It is confusing the way you wrote it, because "I must have" messes up the way I am thinking about what you mean.)
Enjoying myself Discovering the inherent connections among creatures, I know I have found what I love-experiencing the magic of life, and unveiling the mystery of life.--- excellent. I like it, and I think this concept is good enough to deserve to have at least a few more sentences written about it at the end!!
