Well, I have to turn in my Stanford application by tomorrow. Idk if anyone is going to reply in time but i suppose i might as well :)
some constructive criticism would be much appreciated!
The moment I stepped out of the car and took my first breath of that fresh Stanford air, I could not help but say, "This is my kind of school." The beautiful cardinal tiles and the welcoming atmosphere transfixed my gaze. Stanford's soothing embrace was enough to decide where I wanted to spend my next four years.
However, it did not stop there. The rich diversity I saw as soon as I walked into the Main Quad struck me. Having lived most of my life in Pennsylvania, surrounded by different people from different places, I felt an immediate sense of nostalgia and welcome.
Of course, this place offers all the facilities and programs I need to fulfill my dreams, including a great Department of Bioengineering. But what good is a university that can only offer an academic experience? A student cannot prepare for life by sticking his nose into a book. A student should merge with his community, interact and blend with its colors. At Stanford, there is ample opportunity to leave my studies and participate in the myriad of clubs available to me. Organizations such as the Tennis Club, Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, and the Energy Club will allow me not only to explore and advance my lifelong interests, but also to contribute to this school's long history of student activism.
Stanford's richness and warmth makes it the perfect setting for the opening chapters of my life. I want to leave a piece of myself here at Stanford University.
Well I think you have a good mature, academic voice. However this short essay seems rather generic. You really could have said this about any other college. All universities have academic classes as well as clubs and organizations.
I think it would be stronger if you focused on something peculiar to Stanford. If you want to strike the admissions officers as someone who stands out, you should make this essay more original rather than just talking about the academic experience and joining clubs. Stanford is looking for people who didn't just cut & paste, but wrote something passionate and individualized for the school.
Hope that helped :)
thank you. i definitely agree with you
it's really hard to write this one, considering i wrote about my passions in my other 2 supplements....
focus, then expand, bro. That's what you need. For that 2000 characters' space, you can only focus on one specific and highly detailed things about Stanford. If you are going to talk about academic, elaborate on a particular program and scheme and relate it to your own personal experience and that should be enough. O, showing insight is what makes it stand out.
I see what youre saying. Thanks for the advice you guys, I think I have a really good idea about where I want to take this essay now
