What world do I live in? My parents are refugees of war who emigrated from Laos to the United States. Sacramento, California became their new home and it was also where I was born. Growing up being Hmong in the United States was difficult. Our early years in adapting to a new way of living were grueling. As a family of eight, we faced economic hardships just like many other Hmong families. My mother's will of fire kept us together and my father's hard-working nature ensured that we survived. I can still recall the memories in which I worried about food not being on the dinner table while I was at school. Every day, my siblings and I had to walk to school regardless of the weather. We often got sick from walking in the rain too much and there were people who drove past us and would tease us. These were the early memories of my childhood and when I think back about it, I would not want to live through it a second time or want my children to ever experience that situation. That was a promise I made.
Gradually, I became "Americanized" just like the rest of the Hmong teens. As many Hmong youths became vulnerable to the freedom that America has to offer, they began losing their culture as a Hmong person. The beliefs in our community were dying because the elders could not pass down traditional practices to the younger generations who oppose them. Being exposed to science and logical reasoning at school, I seriously did not like the superstitious beliefs and practices that the Hmong had because some of them were simply weird and unbelievable. The teens that defied their Hmong culture became "one-hundred percent American". Many of them were wasted while others transformed into street thugs, and there was an endless amount that dropped out of school. It was hard to equally divide myself among two different cultures but I knew that I couldn't become a "screw-up" as my parents always say. I do not understand why many of the Hmong youth would just throw their lives away- don't they know how big a sacrifice their parents made just to bring them to a country where they can have education and a better life? Imagine how hard it is to leave a homeland where you have lived all your life and all of sudden you are forced to get out. It is a pain that my parents endured, yet I will never understand it. But I began to understand that if I was to throw my life away like the many other countless fools, then the sacrifice my parents made to come here would be worthless.
Hearing the stories of parents' journey motivated me to widen my insights and aspirations even more. At this point, I knew what I wanted to do in college. Science was always a subject of curiosity for me and one of my aspirations is to become a scientist (if not, maybe a biologist). Yet, it was not the only ideal occupation that I had in mind.
Despite my opposition to the traditional practices of the Hmong, I suddenly had a fondness for them after reading about how the practices originated. They turned out to be over 3,000 years old which ecstatically amazed me. It changed my perspective and I wanted to at least keep one of the practices alive in our community. Inspired, I began taking learning lessons for the Hmong bamboo music instrument known as the "qeej" or lusheng. This instrument plays the most important role in our funerals because it leads the dead one's spirit back to his/her ancestors. Now, I have another aspiration...and it is to become a lusheng player. Once I learn how to play it, my goal is to pass it to the future generations that are to come.
From a world of two mixed cultures and a poor childhood, I am thankful for my parents' journey to the United States and all the obstacles I've faced. Without them, I would not have striven for success. Being successful is the best way to show my gratitude.
Wow!! Ok, your essay was overall great! you definitely described your world and how it shaped your dreams and aspirations. However, I did notice a few grammer problems, but I'm not the best at grammer either so yoou should ask your english teacher for the grammer corrections. Also, I feel you gave too much information at one point :
" the same time, I also saw many teens like me that completely lost their Hmong culture. They became "one-hundred percent American". Many of them became wasted while others transformed into street thugs, and there were more that dropped out of school. It was hard to equally divide myself among two different cultures but I knew that I cannot become a "screw-up" like my parents always say. I do not understand why many of the Hmong youths would just throw their lives away- don't they know how big a sacrifice their parents made just to bring them to a country where they can have education and a better life? My parents were forced to leave their families, businesses, and more importantly their homeland to escape persecution. They end up moving to a country they don't even know that existed. Imagine how hard it is to leave a homeland where you have lived all your life and all of sudden; you are forced to get out. It is a pain that my parents endured and I know that I will never understand it. But I realized myself that if I was to throw my life away like the many other countless fools, then the sacrifice my parents made to come here would be worthless. "
like you rephrased the idea a couple times. thus making it a i bit too lengthy.
But, like i said its GREAT! you made me connect with you and even got me a bit emotional!
thanks alot....I'll see if I can make it shorter
can anyone give me suggestions on how to shorten my essay a bit? I would glady appreciate any criticism.
Hearing the stories of parents' journey motivated me to widen my insights and aspirations even more.
i think you forgot the "my" in front of "parents' "
I suddenly had a fond for them after reading about how the practices originated.
it might be better to say "I unexpectedly grew fond of them after reading..."
these are just suggestions.
overall your essay is amazing. it really relates who you are and where you come from. answers the prompt really well. good luck! :)
Hi
I like your essay but i think you use a lot of flowery language and are wordy. For example, instead of saying "Growing up being Hmong in the United States was difficult, painful, and unimaginable." you can just say "Growing up Hmong in the United States was difficult"
You also state that teens were losing their culture one too many times.
Overall, I like your essay because I can get a good sense of what your world is like and you do a good job of answering the prompt.
