First of all I would like to thank anyone reading this post.
Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).
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This is my essay:
Life is a steep, rocky mountain with narrow paths that face prevailing winds. At the moment of our first breath we become hikers and begin our journey at the very bottom of our mountain. However, before the journey begins, every single one of us has metaphorically been given at least a pair of boots and a bottle of water. For the first stages of my life, I was only given a promising shade whenever the sun was overwhelming. It was not until I reached my eighth year of climbing that my canteen was filled. At that very stage where every girl learns how to make cakes with their mother and ride a bike with their father, I was just beginning to learn the names of my biological parents.
In the beginning, resentment had blinded me; I hated them for leaving me behind, for waiting so long to meet me. I just wanted my life back, my language, and my aunt. I cried every night. I felt like a guest in their house. It took a year for my resentment to fade away and begin to accept their love and the concept of a family unit. After long afternoons listening to them reminisce on their immigration and the reasons for their heartbreaking decision, I understood that their absence was reasoned by their search for the American dream.
Soon enough, Sunday's of charity work, housing immigrant families, finding them a job, and chatting at the dinner table began to melt my cold heart and allow my parent's tenderness to penetrate, while their humbleness and hard work began to reflect on my personality. I became amiable, simple and humble; I even put on the effort to learning English and overachieving in every aspect of my school life..
Three years later the announcements of an unplanned pregnancy shock my happiness. In nine months, I was going to become the older child, the role model, the helping hand-a sister. However, after his birth the usual walks in the parks were long gone, supper was usually lonely, and there was never a quiet moment to tell my parents the great news of my straight A report card, or my promotion to a Gifted and Talented Class. They soon forgot my birthday and at times even my name. I resented that child; I wished he was never born. I understood he needed attention, but it seemed like I had become a shadow in the wall or the usual decoration of a family picture. It seemed as if he was their first child. He was teaching them how to fill his canteen and how provide some shade; whereas for me, they were just leading me to the next river, where I could fill the canteen myself.
Today, I realize that destiny took its toll. The child I resented so much had actually brought my climbing boots under his arm. Upon his birth, I was able to replace my old sneakers for a pair of Timberland boots. His cry for attention was my step to independence. My parent's sudden neglect became a driving force for the development of a premature maturity, my sense of independence, and determination for life. After his birth, I was able to combine the soft heart and joyful personalities--that I had retained from my parents-with the head strong, determined girl I had become. The sun is brighter, the slope is steeper, but now I know my way to the river, I have a trusty shade to rely on and long lasting boots.
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This essay is 628 words, please help me make it better and condense it to 500. Thank you.
To be honest with my comments,
I really liked your essay . The way you sum up every thing in the end is good. However, the introduction is a bit confusing . While i was reading your essay i was able to make sense only after i read the last paragraph.I hope my comments helps you .
