Hi guys, i would really appreciate if you could review my essay for me. It is a personal statement for GKS-U 2023 (global korea scholarship-undergraduate), thank you.
Here are some instructions from the edital:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or
events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired,
etc.
personal statement
Growing up, I heard a lot from my parents that I was a curious person, always asking the "whys" of something. When they did not know the answer to some of my questions they would say "Study about it, and then tell me", and that is what I did. Because of that, I created a habit of always researching things that I was curious about, always trying to understand the same subject from different points of view.
Therefore, my interest in Korea started when I got to know that the Korean educational system is known worldwide to be very efficient and the basis for the economic and social development of the country. I believe that this scholarship is an opportunity for me to discover even more about Korean culture, and language and to deepen my passion for diplomacy and education. Likewise, students who get a diploma overseas get more chances to be successful in their careers, besides giving me a better career perspective; I believe that holding a degree in international relations in Korea would enhance my insight and help me to comprehend practically the issues that I aim to study at the university. I am convinced that with this program I will witness different cultural exchanges and activities that will provide me with a better world understanding, in addition to providing me a high-quality education with prestigious professors and tutors.
Coming from a lower-middle-class background, I was taught the importance of education since I was young. My father did not complete elementary school, and my mom moved to live with her siblings when she was just fifteen since they had to start work at a young age to help their parents; therefore, they ensured that my siblings and I would have the opportunities that they did not have. Hence, I studied in a private institution until middle school, where I worked hard to maintain excellent grades so that I could apply to a professionalizing public school, where I got in with the highest score among other candidates. However, in my second year, I took a test to get into the military police school, and I was successful, reaching third place. Additionally, during my high school years, we were constantly challenged through simulations and lectures in which I could challenge myself and further develop my academic skills. Besides that, I participated in projects where we performed presentations on a variety of themes ranging from health to social issues, and as a result, I was able to broaden my perception of the world's problems while also challenging myself to overcome stage shyness and develop my group work abilities.
During those two years of quarantine, I was able to enhance my love for Korea and its culture. I began learning Korean on my own in 2021, which is also when I learned about the global Korean scholarship. Being the type of person who always seeks to learn more, I signed up for some free online courses to learn Korean, as well as took some courses on the Korean economy and society to understand its culture and development. Furthermore, as someone who believes that education is the first step toward changing our reality, I enhanced my passion for foreign languages and began to study Korean and Italian. I also participated in the Humanities Olympics, and while I did not win any certificates, there were moments when I realized my passion for the humanities as well as international relations and diplomacy.
By the time I participated in my first United Nations Simulation this year when I had the opportunity to discuss the topic of children's militarization, my passion for diplomacy has grown even more. Debating such an important, yet frequently overlooked, issue taught me that society has multiple faces, and how vital it is to bring this sort of dialogue into our community. Aside from that, hearing from so many teenagers with so many ideas demonstrated to me that teamwork is an important component of issue resolution. Similarly, I believe that studying at a Korean institution will embrace my chances of learning with high-quality professors and widen my knowledge by studying with students from all over the world.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Reviewing this essay showed me that the writer has a keen interest in Korea as a nation and as a leading world power. I also took note of the interesting family background the writer has. However, the writer did not perk my interest when it came to the motivation behind his interest in international relations. It was mentioned as an integrated part of the interest in Korea, but Korea does not make for the totality of international relations alone. That part of the essay is very weak. It is not even supported by the accomplishments and achievements of the student. The mention of the United Nations came too late in the discussion, the reviewer may not even read that far since the motivation for international relations studies was not properly established early on in the statement. Revise the content to focus more on the development of an interest in international relations. Balance this with the interest in Korea. Then show accomplishments based on international relations that can support the application claims.
