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"I will become an author-architect" - UT Essay D for Architecture Admission


carriee14 2 / 3  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
Could you please read through this essay and let me know methods of improvement? I am having a little trouble with the flow of the essay. PLEASE HELP! (:

PROMPT:
Topic D: REQUIRED (no essay on file)
Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture, art history, design, studio art, visual art studies/art education), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?

ESSAY:
Bucket list item number 67: Visit the Tjibaou Cultural Center in Noumea, New Caledonia.

Jean-Marie Tjibaou said "In the quest for identity, you must always look forward, never backwards... our identity lies ahead of us." The Tjibaou Cultural Center is captivating; the outside revolutionizes modern ideas of business centers while the inside provides an experience that transcends any modern technological advances. While displaying the Kanak culture, this building integrates nature and functionality, preserving cultural customs and providing the world with a type of modern reminiscence-a journey through the past, yet in contemporary terms.

According to Dr. Werner Lang's "Design with Climate" lecture, buildings account for approximately 50% of the world's Carbon Dioxide emissions. While much of the present research focuses on transportation and industry, little is being done in order to make our buildings more environmentally cautious. During Dr. Lang's lecture, he introduced me to a new type of thinking by presenting several different examples of how the world can create efficient and comfortable buildings, while keeping the environment in mind. Dr. Lang introduced me to the Tjibaou Cultural Center; Dr. Lang introduced me to my passion.

The Cultural Center utilizes all resources necessary to sustain a building environment while impacting nature as little as possible. These resources mainly come from the environment, such as the strong winds of the Pacific Ocean. The winds provide a system of natural ventilation, passing through inner facades that respond to wind speeds and strengths, and open and close in order to provide the building with the proper ventilation. Some even say that one cannot experience the sound of the wind in this way anywhere but the Tjibaou Cultural Center; it creates a feeling of nature while inside a structure, preserving the Kanak's cultural beliefs of living in harmony with nature.

I never knew that architecture would become my passion, but since discovering this building, inspiration and enthusiasm have pushed me to seek an internship with an architecture firm that focuses on sustainability. I now intern with FKP Architects twice a week, a hospital-focused firm that stresses the importance of the environment in all that they do. I have also joined an environmental science class in order to learn how humans interact with the environment, and how we can reduce our carbon footprint.

Although I have never visited the Tjibaou Cultural Center, it has inspired me and changed the way I think about architecture. I want to take part in this movement; I want to design something as unimaginable, yet exceedingly pragmatic as the Tjibaou Cultural Center. And I want to expand upon my knowledge of sustainability.

I believe that in creating my identity, working with sustainability and architecture will take a large role, and that by looking forward I can help build upon the knowledge of how to preserve our environment. Architecture is my passion. I love how there are endless possibilities, endless resources, and endless opportunities to make it better. I love that architecture is not only about slapping four walls on a piece of slab and calling it a building. Architecture tells a story, it preserves a culture.

When I take a look at my future, I do not picture myself strictly as an architect. I will become an author; I will be the imaginative brains behind the buildings I produce, painting a picture on each page with the elements introduced.

I will become an architect, and I will become a creator.
grillojes 6 / 17  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
I believe that in creating my identity, working with sustainability and architecture will take a large role, and that by looking forward I can contribute to the knowledge concerning how to preserve our environment. Architecture is my passion. I love the endless possibilities, endless resources, and endless opportunities available to enhance it . I love that architecture is not only about slapping four walls on a piece of slab and calling it a building. Architecture tells a story, it preserves a culture.

I also think that the first paragraph may be out of place, but that's just me.

Apart from that this is a fabulous essay. By using the Tijbaou Cultural Center you make it personal and unique.

Hope I helped!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2010   #3
Bucket list item number 67:

Clever theme!!

At the end of the first paragraph, I think you should add a razor-sharp tip to the end of the spear:
...introduced me to my passion: architecture for sustainability.

That is a GREAT theme for an essay and for a career.

Always get rid of "that" when unnecessary:
I never knew that architecture would become ...

This essay is strong. I think you can make it stronger by reading 2 relevant, recent articles and citing them in the paper. You only need to invest about 20 or 30 words to accomplish this, and it will make the essay even better.

:-)


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