heres the prompt: College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to
choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your
application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what
areas are you most interested in, and why?
At the very beginning of your educational your parents and teachers will ask you what it is that you want to become. As a child your answerers vary from doctor to astronaut to princess. For me, every time someone asked me what it is I wanted to become I stare them straight in the eye, flash them my gapping smile, and shout "Dentist!" My parents' initial response was one of support, after all, parents want the best for their children and well dentistry does provide for a pretty well off life. However as much as my parents wanted to believe that I would become a dentist they did realize that seven year olds tend to be a bit indecisive and maybe they should not get their hopes to high.
Seven years later and here I am writing a college entrance exam about how I wish to go pursue a career in dentistry. I found that the older I grew and the more I learned about the field of dentistry the more I fell in love with my goal. Dentistry allows me to work and help people which is one major characteristic that I look for in a career. Furthermore dentistry is an excellent segway into owning my own business giving me the privilege of becoming my own boss, which is an opportunity not many have. The flexibility of work hours is also another factor that attracts to the field of dentistry, as one day I aspire to settle down and start a family I feel it is important that I have the ability to be at home when needed.
Now I am sure that if you are reading this essay you are aware that University of Michigan is one of only two schools in Michigan that have a school of dentistry, and I feel that with its large diverse campus U of M is the school that will help prepare me to become the best dentist possible.
However as much as my parents wanted to believe that I would become a dentist they did realize that seven year olds tend to be a bit indecisive and maybe they should not get their hopes to high.
First off, in this sentence you change from past to present tense ("maybe they should not..."). Secondly, it should be hopes
too high.
Other than that, I think it's pretty good.
um, this could just be me, but never switch from first to second person. Use "one" instead of "you." or better yet, completely rewrite it in first person.
i tottally get what you guys are saying thanks so much!! but other than that do u think it would be good enough to enter
It should be good enough to enter.
There's quite a few grammatical errors.
At the very beginning of your educationaleducation, your parents and teachers will ask you what it is that you want to become. As a child your answerersanswers vary from doctor to astronaut to princess.
-Watch spelling, commas
For me , every time someone asked me what it is I wanted to become I stare at them straight in the eye, flash them my gapping smile, and shout "Dentist!"
-"Me" is redundant. Try rewording.
-You stare "at" something not stare something
My parents' initial response was one of support,. (period, not comma)A fter all, parents want the best for their children and well dentistry does provide for a pretty well off life.
Dentistry allows me to work and help people which is one major characteristic that I look for in a career.
-Working and helping people isn't a characteristic. Simply say "Dentistry allows me to work and help people which is what I look for in a career.
hope i helped!
yea it did thanks soo much!
