'When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.'
Going through a list of colleges, which were suggested by my school counselor before I began my application process, I noticed Wellesley College; an institution I had never heard of. Immediately, I searched it on the internet. Wellesley homepage opened, immediately leaving me puzzled. All I saw was a building and females, with no form of masculinity. I could not believe it was an all girls' school! I did not know what to make of it, except that I had no interest in attending a school without any male students.
With the weeks slowly creeping by, Wellesley was still on my college list as I was mysteriously attracted to it. I could not find a puissant reason to remove it; maybe that was why the weeks seemed to drag. Eventually, I stumbled across a Forbes magazine article, dating eighth December 2009. Before reading the article, I made the article my decider as to whether I my application will be sent to Wellesley. As sudden as it is, I stuck to my decision. To my surprise I was convinced enough to apply to Wellesley by a women's college alumni who mentioned that female colleges build and enforce leadership skills. According to her, she would not have this strong trait if she were at a co-ed college, as she would be distracted by the need to impress guys. Another said, "Women's colleges tend to attract a very competitive and driven student base, and that's the group you are surrounding yourself with during these critical years." As I kept reading, I had an epiphany - college is not about boys and freedom, but mainly about setting a secure foundation, which I am content with, for my future. Towards the end of my days, I do not want to look back on my life only to regret my time spent.
Currently, I am striving to become a cardiac surgeon. I realized this after watching a medical reality show, which I had never had the slightest interest in. It was about a new born who desperately needed a heart transplant, or else she would not live to see the end of the week. After hours of surgery, the neonate survived, meanwhile I realized just how many lives I could help. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that being at Wellesley will allow me learn to cope with my chosen field. With the vigorous language and biology classes, I have no doubt I will leave Wellesley ready to tackle medical school. Also, with over half of neuroscience seniors who graduate and venture into medical related fields, shows just how beneficial Wellesley College will be for me, as there will be a greater competition around me; allowing me to push myself to the limit.
Realizing Wellesley's benefits in my life, the learning possibilities at that point became endless. For example, I had already learnt that I should not reject something or someone without getting to know anything about it or them.
Its a good essay, but i think you can make it better by:
getting directly to the point in the two paragraphs, i feel like u can summarize them in acouple of sentences. you should reaplace this:
Going through a list of colleges, which were suggested by my school counselor before I began my application process, I noticed Wellesley College; an institution I had never heard of. Immediately, I searched it on the internet. Wellesley homepage opened, immediately leaving me puzzled
with something more catchy and interesting. this doesnt mention a specific thing about you or the school
Although the reality show and its impact on you should be mentioned, still i would say it is more a motive than a reason to apply. you should write more about the college and yourself, and pin point very specific things and programs you like, for example how you mentioned that a co-ed community will distract you and bla bla . go in the website and put some good amount of time to really dig out some stuff you like, and mention them and why you like them
as i read along the essay you seemed to develop more solid reasons and arguments. since you have limited space you should keep in mind that you have to continuously make meaningful points, from the beginning to the end...
hope it was useful!
could you comment on my essay?