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"I want to become as smart as my brother." #2 make it longer?


kideyydee 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
In the living room hangs a poem with a line that reads, "I want to become as smart as my brother." This poem was done by one of my little sisters last year when she was in third grade. This has been one of the most motivational things that I have received and it was only this one sentence from this poem about her that made me realize the effects that I can have on my sisters.

Every day when I get home from school I know that I will expect a "can you help me?" from my little sisters. Helping them is one of the greatest feelings of pride for me because I know that I am doing this without expecting anything in return and it is just one of the best feelings.

The day I read that poem, I knew that I actually was getting something in return. I am being looked up to as a role model and at the same time that I am motivating my sisters, I motivate myself as well because in the future I want to keep being one of the persons that my sisters will look up to and motivate them to accomplish greater things.

As of now, both of them have been a pride to the family. Recently the youngest one in first grade became student of the month for her class. That same day my sister in fourth grade brought home a letter saying that the next day she would be named student of the month for her class.

Contributing to my sister's education has shaped the person who I am today and who I want to be in the future because if I continue to succeed in school, they will continue to regard me as their motivation.
leaf011 1 / 2  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
You could explain how contributing to your sister's education has shaped you--specifically what did it change about yourself? Did you become more patient? more understanding? And who do you want to be in the future? ex: teacher, etc.

Kinda repetitive "Helping them is one of the greatest feelings of pride for me because I know that I am doing this without expecting anything in return and it is just one of the best feelings. " perhaps "It fills me with pride to be able to help them because I can use this skill to not only help my sisters but possibly individuals around me?" Idk.

You could also start the paragraph off by describing a scene--where you are helping your sister or what you helped your sister on EXACTLY was it math hw? was it a project that took hours to build?


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