"to become a United States Air Force pilot" - U of IL Essay

I would appreciate some feedback and/or criticism on this essay. It is one of two essays for the University of IL
Thank You

In 300 words or less discuss you academic interests and/or professional goals:
Watching airplanes fly overhead, I have always thought to myself, "That's what I want to do." From an early age I have been fascinated with aircraft. To fuel my interest in aviation, in my free time I enjoy building, designing, and launching rockets. I feel that studying aerospace engineering would best suit my interests. The goal of attaining an Aerospace Engineering degree has made me work hard throughout high school. An Aerospace Engineering degree will assist me in being successful after college due to the large amount of enthusiasm I have for the subject. After looking at many colleges and meeting with the University of Illinois Aerospace Engineering Department head, Professor Dutton, I feel that the University of Illinois would best suit me as a student to be successful in studying Aerospace Engineering and helping me achieve my professional goal.

Since grade school I have know what I wanted to do. My professional goal is to become a United States Air Force pilot. While studying Aerospace Engineering I plan on joining the Air Force ROTC with an ultimate goal of earning a pilot spot in the Air Force. An Aerospace Engineering degree will provide me with the best opportunity of obtaining this spot. Becoming a pilot in the Air Force is a very ambitious goal, but as long as I continue to work hard in both the academic and extracurricular environments it is very possible for me to achieve it. Also, after meeting with multiple ROTC detachments at other universities, the University of Illinois Air Force ROTC detachment was definitely at a higher level than any other detachment I visited. The strength of the ROTC combined with the academics of the University of Illinois would definitely assist me in achieving my goal of becoming an Air Force pilot.

This sounds a bit off. You wanted to fly overhead like an airplane? As a passenger in an airplane? As a crew member? A pilot? I can guess where you're going with this, but you should revise it anyway.


Never mind. I thought you were going to say you wanted to be a pilot, not an engineer. Your first sentence is therefore much worse than I originally thought, as it is actually misleading.


Wouldn't it be just as useful if you weren't enthusiastic?


This part is nice, because you reference a specific professor. And why, exactly, do you feel that way?


Oh, wait, you do want to become a pilot. Wouldn't an engineering degree be better if you wanted to become a plane designer?

Hmmm . . . maybe I just don't know enough about the ordinary career path for a pilot, but your decision seems odd to me after reading your essay.