Grammar check thanks a lot!! Any other suggestions appreciated, will return favor if needed!!
My ambition from childhood was becoming a chef. When I watched my Mom dice, chop, boil, bake, stir-fry and make pleasantly-smelled Kung Pao Chicken or crispy Spring Rolls in the kitchen, I believed that cooking was magical. Even now, I still consider a potential, future career in cooking. Then why do I bother to apply for Trinity? I am going to college to build myself a more complete person by exploring a myriad of academic courses and developing an affinity for diverse interests. Perhaps, if I choose to become a chef in the future, I will be one who can read Shakespeare and Kant as well as recipes while spending weekends with historians, theoretical physicians and dancers rather than staying with the restaurant manager and the sous chef all the time.
The biggest appeal to me at Duke is the FOCUS Program for undergraduate freshmen because it retains within the FOCUS clusters a major concentration while provides preeminent courses and seminars related to the concentration in various academic fields. A freshman of Class 2015 at Duke whose intended major was neurosciences told me that he had writing sessions focusing on "Mind and Media", Robotics seminars themed "Mind and Computers" and Philosophy seminars concentrating on "Puzzles and the Mind", which were instructed by Professors who received doctoral degrees from Penn, Berkeley and Stanford. This is my dream way of studying: peers with similar interests and ambitions, instruction from superb intellectuals and liberal education with concentration. Although the FOCUS Program is highly selective and the courses are very demanding, I will apply to the program if I have a chance to study at Trinity College of Arts and Sciences and am hoping to study Economics while exploring History and Public Policy. Another major attraction to me is the enthusiasm on sports. I used to take three hours' ride to see the basketball games of my city's team every two weeks, even on days of unexpected storms. Perhaps I will set up one of the tents in front of the Cameron Indoor Stadium before a Blue Devils game against the Tar Heel. I believe my passion for sports will help me get into the energetic school spirit in Duke. Besides, the ample opportunities that I had experiences in such as volunteering positions provided by Project Child at the Emily K Family Center and International students activities such as the Sprinternational Festival are also why I think Duke is the perfect choice.
Like the first paragraph, but look at your use of commas.
For second paragraph, tell more about why you want in the program- don't just explain what the program is about.