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'becoming more forgiving' - Personal Statement for Common App: Betrayal


eriicax3x3 2 / 3  
Aug 4, 2012   #1
"Hey Erica! Let's work on this social studies project together. If we work together, we will definitely ace this," said Sammy.
Immediately, I responded yes. Sammy was my best friend ever since I moved to Scarsdale in the 7th grade. Moving from Queens to Scarsdale was a huge shock for me. I had a hard time adapting to this new community. It was also very arduous to become accepted into the social life- where cliques and groups existed and rarely welcomed newcomers.

However, one person named Sammy came up to me and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with her. this incident bloomed our friendship.
She gave me confidence and hope that I was going to be happy in Scarsdale.
However, our friendship changed when we were working on a project. When I went over to Sammy's house and worked on the project, she would always sit back and relax. At first, I asked her to write a summary about World War II, but instead, she watched an episode of Gossip Girl. I warned her the second time that this project was huge and that we needed to complete most of it by this week- since I was busy with extracurricular activities such as music, community service, and sports. However, Sammy nodded and continued to watch the episode. At that moment, I was furious. For two hours, I was the one researching World War II, interviewing alive members during that time, and creating a nice poster to attract my teacher and classmates. However, Sammy was the one watching episodes of Gossip Girl and other shows.

I wanted to complain about this. However, if I did, I was going to lose my only best friend. I couldn't afford to lose a precious friend. So, I just finished the project and claimed that we worked together.

On the day before the project was due, I received a phone call from Sammy's mother about how Sammy and I couldn't work on the project together and that Sammy would take the project. I remembered precisely where, when, and what I was doing at the moment. I was in a church barbeque party at a park and was about to leave back home. I was utterly shocked and furious at what Sammy's mother told me. I argued that I basically worked on the project and that she just watched television. Sammy's mother accused me of lying and stealing. After two hours of arguing on the phone, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to take the project and hung up on the phone. The fact that my project was taken away from me by my best friend, just made me devastated and heart-broken. It destroyed my confidence, my pride, and overall, hope.

I couldn't understand why my best friend would do such a thing; but whatever reason it was, I was disappointed in her. This incident made me question our friendship and wonder if it was really a lie. It also made me become more reserved from the community. I began to become a negative person; and started to think about ways to hurt others and myself to ease my pain of losing my only best friend.

Until recently, I began to let go of this grudge. I became more forgiving.
RRTM 1 / 3  
Aug 4, 2012   #2
First off, it ended very abruptly.
You need to elaborate on how this experience changed you as a person. Anyone would feel betrayed but what you learned from this is what will make you unique.
Rechy 11 / 73  
Aug 4, 2012   #3
I guess this is a first draft. You need to work on the paragraphs construction, the theme and the conclusion.
OP eriicax3x3 2 / 3  
Aug 8, 2012   #4
Oh. Do you have any suggestions on how I should construct the paragraphs?
I'm having a little trouble with it.
And is the topic interesting??
Thanks!
andshewashappy8 2 / 2  
Aug 9, 2012   #5
You need to fix the structure of this essay.
And you have to answer the question about how this incident changed you.
Your essay didn't do that.


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