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"becoming a full time pharmacist" - Rutgers Essay


sa223 1 / 1  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
I been working on this essay for a while. Could use all the help i can get thanks. Welcoming all corrections and suggestions...

Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Determined, self-motivated, and conscientious are the words that describe me from the first day of high school until the present. I chose conscientious because I was often unaware how teachers viewed my work and effort, but once I received my report card, I realized that many teachers identify me as a conscientious student. Since then, this word has stuck with me during my times at Archbishop Ryan. Being conscientious proved to be hard work and time consuming, but the rewards made my efforts worthwhile. During my time at Archbishop Ryan, I have been able to dramatically improve my work ethic and I have learned many new methods on how to stay self-focused and self-determined.

I have been able to accomplish many feats during my time at high school and I have discovered many talents I never knew existed. Before I entered high school, I was interested in going into the computer field but lost the interest quickly. I enrolled in many after-school clubs to find a profession I would enjoy for the rest of my life. One of the clubs I was active in during my time at high school was the Health Careers Club. I perused this club in order to get a better understanding of the medical field and was extremely thrilled to meet actual pharmacists and other health professionals. After the first meetings I was able to get a better understanding of pharmacology and the work needed to become a pharmacist. I primarily became interested in pharmacy because I enjoyed working in the chemistry lab and learning about different types of elements and compounds. It was not until I had to do a report on a future career that I truly realized that pharmacy was the best fit for me. My research revealed that pharmacists require a lot of work in chemistry and expert understanding of medicines and their effects. After this report, I confirmed that this is what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Becoming a major in pharmacy in college will be the starting point of my ultimate goal of becoming a full time pharmacist. I believe that Rutgers University is a great institution that will help me to maximize my potential and steer me onto the right path. Even before attending clubs and doing reports, I always had an interest in medicine; even as a little kid I remember asking what makes the medicine taste so dreadful. I intend to further pursue my interest in medicine as I continue my studies in college.

Even through the first day of high school I was determined and relentless to continue my education while keeping an open mind to trying new things. After receiving a disappointing C on my first report card, I was able to bounce back and earn honors for the rest of the year. This event in my life helped me realize that Weaknesses, setbacks and failures are part of life but, successful people find ways to overcome the odds. This accomplishment proved to me that I can be self-motivated to achieve great success. During my years at high school, I was able to receive good grades and honors due to my determination and commitment.

Overall, I believe I have the skills and ability to become a great student and a successful pharmacist. With the tools I have, I believe I can do extremely well at the collegiate level. I see Rutgers University as an empowering institution where I can continue my education and achieve my goals.
erinhcho 6 / 20  
Nov 26, 2009   #2
the question is
How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment?

i believe you should write more your benefits from attending rutgers..
i applied rutgers (new brunswick) few weeks ago, awesome!
OP sa223 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
You think like after i add little bit more about i can contribute to rutgers my essay is good enough to submit?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 28, 2009   #4
No, more work is necessary. Sorry I took so long in getting to this one! :-)

I hope you will brainstorm a THEME that is central to this essay... becoming a pharmacist has unique meaning for you, and you have unique goals for the future. Make a unique theme, so that when someone asks me what this essay is about, I can answer directly: Pure intentions, and passionate motivation. That is just an example. But in your first paragraph, present a theme, and name the various topics you will cover in the essay.

Then, use topic sentences. A topic sentence gives the main idea of a paragraph. If you write with good composition, I should be able to just read all the topic sentences and know what you mean. Of course, that is not a strict rule, but right now you need structure.

First sentence gets the reader's attention.
Last sentence of the 1st para plants the essay's main idea (thesis statement).
First sentence of the other paragraphs gives the paragraph's main idea, which is intended to support the thesis statement.
Last paragraph talks about the thesis statement idea again.

That thesis statement idea should be the main theme for the essay. In this way, your essay becomes like a target with concentric circles and a "bull's eye" in the center.


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