Hi can anybody help edit and give feedback to improve my essay?
Just to let you know, English is not my first language, I would be more than happy to hear your HONEST feedback !!! I am looking forward to start Nursing studies in a College, here my modest essay:
Prompt: Outline the reasons you have decided to apply to the following program as well as details relevant to the review of your application :
"There is nothing more amazing than hearing the voice of your baby for the first time. There were no cries, just a small gasp. Her tiny head was closely placed against my chest, I was moved by the frailty of this small body. Several months prior to this event, I took the decision to proceed into a natural childbirth. When I started to feel the first labor contractions, I got scared; I was thinking how will I be able to endure the growing pain?
Among the medical personal present in the room, there was a nurse named Leslie. She stood the whole time with me until the delivery. I still remember how supported I felt when she was cheering for me through the pain and the exhaustion. Hopefully, it went better than I expected.
Despite the assistance and the consideration I met in everybody working in the hospital, I couldn't find the kindness and the attentiveness I perceived in Leslie. I am forever impressed by her.
Since that day, becoming a nurse meant to me more than anything. I would like to be able to give the sensation of relief and support to patients, so in return, I can feel what it means to be at the center of the patient's experience and be the source of such capabilities.
After studying Biological Engineering, I want now to reinvent my knowledge into something more human health related. My educational background and my professional experience give me a huge understanding of how to provide high quality services for any kind of clients, from any potential business-related-customer to a patient in need of care and attention. For those reasons I believe that I have the required competences to step into an efficient, effective and devoted nurse.
My daughter birth is one of the most memorable souvenirs I have ever had. It gave my life a new twist. Not only I discovered the joy of being a mother, but also I realized it is never late to change a path we have already started."
For me when I first read your essay I find it interesting one cause it attract reader attention
especially in the introduction that there is a question to let leader think what you are going to say next.I like it keep it up,but don't you find it too short?..Cause right now I also have to write these type of essay and it require 350-400 words.
Good luck and wish your ur dream true :)
candy
