Prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Everyone has that moment in their life when they realize that they have become a smarter person- it's a natural part of growing up. Although it took a long time for me to undergo this experience, it has nonetheless happened and had a major impact on my intellectual development.
Before my junior year in high school, I had an unsatisfactory academic record, especially for a school such as Stanford. I didn't care much about my future and had virtually no interest in succeeding, despite a crumbling economy and less than stellar job prospects. However, the summer before my junior year, I saw many of my friends go to top-notch universities with grades that I could only dream of. Honestly, this made me a little jealous and frustrated mainly because I knew I could do as well as them, but I had nothing to show for. That revelation changed me radically. So that year, I received grades that deviated greatly from my previous record. It surprised many, even my parents. However, it did not surprise me because I knew I was capable of this level of success.
During my junior year, I also took one of the most intellectually stimulating classes of my life. A class, which in my opinion, was the first one that taught me how to think. After I struggled through the first quarter in AP Physics B and by some miracle managed a B+, I decided that I really had to put more effort. However, when I tried practice problems, I couldn't get anywhere and that frustrated me even more. Luckily, I had a teacher who had every type of award in teaching who helped me a lot. But she didn't help me with solving physics problems- she helped me with thinking critically. After that, I all of a sudden started receiving A's and the tests began to seem easier to me. Her reply to my success was "the class isn't any easier; you've just become smarter". Truer words could not have been spoken. I guess you could say that my junior year in high school was the turning point in my intellectual development.
Please, feel free to make any edits, I can take criticism!
Try to take out any negativity or putting down of yourself and try to turn it into a reflective realization. Such as Honestly, this made me a little jealous and frustrated mainly because I knew I could do as well as them, but I had nothing to show for. That revelation changed me radically . Try changing to Seeing their success made me realize that I wanted to change my ways to have a future like them or a variation of that. And also take out despite a crumbling economy and less than stellar job prospects . It is irrelevant to your essay. You can use that space to elaborate more on your realization. Try changing But she didn't help me with solving physics problems- she helped me with thinking critically to My teacher's efforts to help me think critically, not only helped me achieve my sought after A's, but also helped me become a smarter, more disciplined individual. Also elaborate on how you achieved those A's and better test scores. Did you spend hours studying after your tutoring sessions? Did you decide to pay more attention in class or so on? Hope this helps.
Hello,
My number one rule. Never ever ever bash yourself in a required essay. If your grades were as bad as you say they are, there is a very high chance that your essays will never even get read. However, if for some reason they do read your essays, you will turn them(A.Os) off by telling them how horrible of a student you were. Remember, the essays are a place to display your strengths. Your only goal should be to wow the reader. Why should a school like Stanford say, "ok let him in," when there are literally thousands of students who studied very hard to get great grades throughout high school - many of which will be rejected. If you feel the need to say why your grades started out bad, the place for this is in the supplemental essay or by contacting your assigned admissions director directly. When you do this, your tone should always be about moving forward. Never outright admit that you did not care etc.... They will already see your trending grades upwards. Your goal is to get the A.O staff to forget about your bad grades and to focus only of the promise you hold and how you will utilize the vast resources at Stanford. We can help with this.
Hope This Helps
Okay, since you said you could take criticism...only the last paragraph of the essay really has something to do with intellectual vitality. I mean you are supposed to reflect on an experience that impacted your intellectual development. So i think you should make the entire essay about your experiences with your teacher and what you learned from those. I feel as though it will answer the prompt much better then. And if you really want to explain any bad grades you had previously, i believe there is a section on the commonapp where you can add any additional information that you regard as pertinent to your academic scores...GOOD LUCK
You have a good start but you should try to be more concise.
My recommendation is to look at every single sentence you wrote and ask yourself if it answers "why is this important to my intellectual development".
Try not to talk negatively about anyone (even yourself) in your essay. Your essay does not seem to convey Then I remembered that my teacher said that in order to succeed in this class and in life, you should rely less on memorization and more on problem solving skills. That was my problem- I was trying to memorize the steps. I felt the tests becoming easier, to which my teacher replied, "The class isn't easier; you've become smarter". I guess you could say that my junior year in high school was the turning point in my intellectual development. This is your thesis. The reader should know this before they read this portion.
