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'becoming successful in life' - College Application Short Essay (Georgia Tech)

Oct 11, 2012   #1
I wrote the following essay for my application to Georgia Tech, but want some feedback before I submit my application. Prompt in Bold

Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community?

For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of becoming successful in life. I learned early on that I had a natural affinity to computers, and thus wanted to pursue a career related to my interests. After touring earlier this year, I learned that Georgia Tech is the best suited college to better educate me in my pursuit of success. On my tour I learned Georgia tech offers much more than just a higher education, but also a strong fellowship that offers many opportunities to give back to the community. Some of the things I hope to experience most at Tech are the clubs and student associations which provide opportunity to get myself involved in life at Georgia tech. I have taken great interest in the co-op programs offered at tech because of their great opportunity to give students a chance of gaining experience in their chosen field while also doing something they love for a major company. I really hope to be sporting Georgia Tech's white and gold colors while on my journey to success.

Oct 19, 2012   #2
Hello, Cameron)
You say you "had a natural affinity to computers" and yet you haven't explained why you chose Georgia Tech to study IT. For instance, add that Gergia tech has high-end computers and related equipment, many clubs related to computers etc. ( if that's true of course)

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