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"The beeping of an EKG machine" - Why Emory


Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 31, 2011   #1
Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?

The incessant beeping of an EKG machine was one of my first memories at Emory. That high pitch beeping was the symbol that my step father was alive; it was my hope that he would get better, but it was also the start of my Emory College dreams. For months, I became acquainted with the bustling students on campus. I would envision myself amongst the student body, rushing to freshman seminar about Doctors and Doctoring or Intro to Psychology. I saw myself sitting in an auditorium, sufficiently enthralled with what my professor had to say. I dreamed that I was as a volunteer EMT- I, writing a quirky limerick during Dooley's Week.I don't know that these sentences fit together I could see myself as an Emory student.

Emory embodied everything I wanted in a college. With small class sizes and educational advisors, my Emory education would be tailored to an environment in which I could thrive. At Emory, I would have access to renowned educators, and a plethora of research opportunities. Emory would provide me with a specialized education that could not be experienced elsewhere. Here, I would find myself pursuing my academic goals in psychology, while studying abroad and still making it home for Sunday night dinner. With numerous clubs, organizations and programs to choose from, there is always something new and exhilarating to learn on campus. All those years ago, Emory became my other twin, linked forever by common myinterests and future dreams. From the age of twelve, Emory College became my future.

Attatched is my first poem to Lord Dooley:
Sincerely Lord Dooley of Misrule
Please grant me admission to your school.
Rapt by your traditions
I ask your chief permission,
To be part of the acceptance pool.

I need a way to better link the poem to the rest of the essay any help will be appreciated. I will read back. I also need to cut out a little bit to fit within the word count so any suggestions of unnecessary parts that can be removed will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Chocolette /  
Jan 31, 2011   #2
Maybe instead of Doctors and Doctoring, doctors or doctoring. Is the poem at the bottom the limerick you wrote? If not, I'm sure you could connect the poem to limerick somehow. Like a by the way type of thing.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 31, 2011   #3
Yes I wrote the Limerick kinda as a joke but then decided that I might as well include it in my essay somehow since it was somewhat relevant to the topic. The Doctors and Doctoring part is a name of a freshman seminar at Emory so I can't change the name. Thanks for reading my essay.
amberisdead 9 / 28  
Feb 1, 2011   #4
I can't actually find any fault with ur essay.. seriously haha
I really like ur flow.

I began to picture myself as a volunteer EMT- I, writing a quirky limerick on Dooley's day.

i think this part is redundant though

oh and i really think the limerick is a little silly and overused(sorry to be harsh), because i have seen many people talked about dooley's week already. It's okay to mention it but to write a whole poem on it seems too overly done.

BTW i'm applying to Emory as well , do u mind taking a look at mine?
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Feb 1, 2011   #5
I made some edits please read. I WILL read your essay.

The incessant beeping of an EKG machine was one of my first memories at Emory. That high pitch beep was the symbol that my step father was alive; it was my hope that he would get better, but it was also the start of my Emory College dreams. For months, I became acquainted with the bustling students on campus. I would envision myself amongst the student body, rushing to freshman ...

SEE BELOW

Do you think I should incluce the limerick? Writing a limerick to lord Dooley is a tradition at the school where basically whatever you write, the school has to do. Basically students write the limerick and they are exempt from class or a test and stuff like that.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Feb 1, 2011   #6
Please read my essay it is due in a few hours. I will read your essay in return.
saroth 11 / 47  
Feb 1, 2011   #7
sufficiently

Maybe use the word extremely or something like that to better show intrest, or you could leave it as is..

dreamed that I was as a volunteer EMT

rewrite: often dream about volunteering as an EMT

I, writing a quirky limerick during Dooley's Week. I could see myself as an Emory student.

I like what you're trying to say and how you're linking it to the Emory tradition of Limerick during Dooley's Week, but the stence structure is a bit sketchy and I don't exactly understand what you're saying.

Emory simply cannot be defined by qualities such as small class sizes, inspirational educational advisors, an education that specifically tailors to a student's needs renowed educators, and various research opportunities. embodied everything I wanted in a college. With small class sizes and educational advisors, my Emory education would be tailored to an environment in which I could thrive.At Emory, I would have access to renowned educators, and a plethora of research opportunities. Rather, Emory is about a truly unique experience. It is about being provided an unparraleled education in which the professors and educational advisors work with you to help you achieve your potential and your dreams. It is a place where anything is possible. Emory would provide me with a specialized education that could not be experienced elsewhere. Here, I may findwould find myself pursuing my academic goals in psychology, while studying abroad, and still being able to makemaking it home for Sunday night dinners .

With numerous clubs, organizations and programs to choose from, there is always something new and exhilarating to learn on campus. (not really necessary)

All those years ago, Emory truly became my other twin, linked forever by everything I had dreamt of achieveing and everything Emory had to offer me.common interests and future dreams.From the age of twelve, Emory College became my future.

You need a better concluding sentence, I can't really think of sanything sorry...

Sincerely Lord Dooley of Misrule
Please grant me admission to your school.
Rapt by your traditions
I ask your chief permission,
To be part of the acceptance pool.

I kind of like the limerick it adds a personal touch. But the last line shoud change to something where you say you want to be part of the Emory experience.

Sorry about being so late. I will check back a couple times tonight, so if you Need help I could give it.

Ohh, I got a good conclusion, maybe say something like how you can still hear the EKG machine today and relate it to how you want to attend Emory. Because you titled the essay "the beeping of and EKG machine", but you only talk about it once.


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