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I began my life with an unexpected turn; University of Colorado at Boulder Essay


Copey 1 / -  
Nov 14, 2013   #1
The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?

So here is the introduction. I wanted to pursue a more personal response and I'm not sure if this would be too applicable. Tell me what you think please!

Throughout life I have found myself to be a person different from the typical other. I began my life with an unexpected turn; around when I was a mere three years of age I went to the hospital. I cannot recall any of what happened but only from what my parents have told me, they are not fond about talking of the occurrence. I was in the hospital for months, my body becoming weaker slowly through time, the doctors were unaware of what was wrong with me and the only part they knew was of the dramatic decrease in my white blood cell count which dropped severely to a state where death was prominent. It's hard to imagine what my parents felt knowing the child they prayed to have may not be one of the earth any longer and I simply cannot fathom that pain. As my parents sat by my side as the time slowly passed unaware of what the future will bring, my white blood cell count suddenly and surprisingly increased. A miracle to some and a surprise to all I was suddenly a being given a chance at life once again. Though I cannot recall any of this, it has taught me the infinite value of life. Life is a gift and should not be squandered but exploited to the most possible use. This story of myself has given me an understanding that describes every aspect of my personality. I have become an individual separate from others, unafraid to break the social norm and seek the underlying truth of my potential.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 18, 2013   #2
Throughout life I have found myself to be a person different from the typical other.

... what is the typical type of a person. I think we all are very different in many ways and at the same time we share many similarities. Therefore this I find as a very tricky sentence. You are comparing yourself with others without a proper definition for them. I feel you should play it safe;

Throughout my life, I found myself different form many of my peers.

around when I was a mere three years of age I went to the hospital.

when I was barely three years old, I got hospitalized.

I was in the hospital for months, my body becoming weaker slowly through time, the doctors were unaware of what was wrong with me and the only part they knew was of the dramatic decrease in my white blood cell count which dropped severely to a state where death was prominent.

.... I feel this is a bit too long.
I was in hospital for months and months while my condition was deteriorating each day. The doctors were confused with my condition and were helpless in controlling the rapid drop in my white blood cell count and I was almost nearing the death.


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