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"It began in New Orleans, becoming an artist." - A UC prompt response.


eltosira 1 / 1  
Nov 25, 2010   #1
its not quite finished and its only the first UC Prompt.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

grammar and capitalization will probably be wrong. I'm more concerned about topic and concept.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

I guess I'll start from the begining. It began in New Orleans with my parents. I was born in a hub of heritage, culture and rich local flavor which i was fully exposed to. New Orleans is surprisingly liberal when compared to the rest of the deep south and we took advantage of it every chance we got. Wandering through the French Quarter, we'd stop to admire art on all different levels; Street performers, mimes and galleries. Eventually, we moved to California in search of the land of milk and honey. While New Orleans was an eclectic and engaging place to live, it wasn't the best place to raise children. Most of my memories begin in Sunol. My formative years were spent in this rural, hillside community. Despite being situated in the middle of the bustling East Bay, Sunol only has 1300 residents and one school. Named Sunol Glen, the school offered one class for each grade. With only 200 students and 60 within my age demographic, cliques were far less prevalent than larger schools in the area. readymade identity. I was given the freedom to develop interests without influence from excessive peer pressure. Sunol acted as one large family, with community camping trips there was no room for overwhelming social mores. Everyone was accepted as they were, judgements were held back whenever possible. Those years in Sunol taught me a few things about myself. Living in this safe environment I was able to explore my introspective and precocious nature. Feeling out of place with childhood antics and humor, I gravitated to books as a source of knowledge and entertainment. Reading was incredibly influential for me. Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, George Orwell and Kurt Vohengut overflowed from my bookshelf. Constantly being exposed to different ideas through reading taught me virtues. Tales of hardship and oppression showed me empathy, Fight Club showed me enlightenment. Reading provided an outlet to explore, an answer to any question. The world was at my fingertips. We traveled often, so i had plenty of time to feed my voracious appetite for literature. Traveling was a common thing though we never went to disneyland. We ventured into the city and nature. we went camping in national parks, canoeing through white water rapids and flying to distant lands. (too generic need more specifics) We made trips to museums, trekking through them intrigued by Duchamp's and Basquiat's. Admiring freud, bacon and kippenberger. Duchamp showed me change, Basquiat provided insight into my own life. Regularly being exposed to different forms of expression led to an accepting and observing outlook on life; conflicting ideals weren't a call to arms but a call to ears. I discovered art through all of these things. It was an outlet that allowed me to express raging emotions without having to defend or declare them. Through this tolerant environment I was able to see beauty in everything. My early experiences provided stimulation, exposure and growth and I attempt to recreate that now. My parents always encouraged the pursuit of happiness. Even if my passion didn't lead to money, success or material possessions, it was more important to live a life worth living.
love13love 2 / 3  
Nov 25, 2010   #2
I guess I'll start from the beginning . It began in New Orleans with my parents. I was born in a hub of heritage, culture and rich local flavor which i was fully exposed to. New Orleans is surprisingly liberal when compared to the rest of the deep south and we took advantage of it every chance we got. Wandering through the French Quarter, we'd stop to admire art on all different levels; s treet performers, mimes and galleries. Eventually, we moved to California in search of the land of milk and honey. While New Orleans was an eclectic and engaging place to live, it wasn't the best place to raise children. Most of my memories begin in Sunol. My formative years were spent in this rural, hillside community. Despite being situated in the middle of the bustling East Bay, Sunol only has 1300 residents and one school. Named Sunol Glen, the school offered one class for each grade. With only 200 students and 60 within my age demographic, cliques were far less prevalent than larger schools in the area. R eadymade identity. I was given the freedom to develop interests without influence from excessive peer pressure. Sunol acted as one large family, with community camping trips, there was no room for overwhelming social mores. Everyone was accepted as they were, judgments were held back whenever possible. Those years in Sunol taught me a few things about myself. Living in this safe environment I was able to explore my introspective and precocious nature. Feeling out of place with childhood antics and humor, I gravitated to books as a source of knowledge and entertainment. Reading was incredibly influential for me. Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, George Orwell and Kurt Vohengut overflowed from my bookshelf. Constantly being exposed to different ideas through reading taught me virtues. Tales of hardship and oppression showed me empathy, Fight Club showed me enlightenment. Reading provided an outlet to explore, an answer to any question. The world was at my fingertips. We traveled often, so i had plenty of time to feed my voracious appetite for literature. Traveling was a common thing though we never went to disneyland. We ventured into the city and nature. we went camping in national parks, canoeing through white water rapids and flying to distant lands. (too generic need more specifics) We made trips to museums, trekking through them intrigued by Duchamp's and Basquiat's. Admiring freud, bacon and kippenberger. Duchamp showed me change, Basquiat provided insight into my own life. Regularly being exposed to different forms of expression led to an accepting and observing outlook on life; conflicting ideals weren't a call to arms but a call to ears. I discovered art through all of these things. It was an outlet that allowed me to express raging emotions without having to defend or declare them. Through this tolerant environment I was able to see beauty in everything. My early experiences provided stimulation, exposure and growth and I attempt to recreate that now. My parents always encouraged the pursuit of happiness. Even if my passion didn't lead to money, success or material possessions, it was more important to live a life worth living.

Well, I caught some of your grammar and spelling mistakes. I know you're probably going to edit it so I don't think correcting those mistakes would be a large contribution.

Honestly, I think the ending is kind of weak. I think it can be edited to be more engaging. But, overall, your essay is written very nicely. It flows very well and is very descriptive. I think it exemplifies what the colleges want.

Good luck with your applications! :)
OP eltosira 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2010   #3
thank you for your feedback.


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