Can someone please review my common app essay. Any feedback appreciated. Thanks
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"Prompt number 4", Ms. Vitvitsky called out
I looked at my notes one last time as I went up to do a presentation on the importance of minor characters in Pride and Prejudice. I was thoroughly prepared for it. After all I had read the book twice, I had taken good notes, I had even memorized everything I had to say. I was a little nervous. Okay, fine I was really nervous, so nervous that my shirt was soaked in November. But I knew the book so well, that I still felt confident I would do great.
I wiped my hands on my jeans and stood up to face the class. After a feeble attempt at a smile, I began my presentation. I said my well-practiced first line,
"In the novel, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, minor characters play a vital role because they give the readers important clues about the characteristics of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy"
After a pause, I searched my brain for the second line but it was all blank. I realized that I had forgotten everything. I didn't know what to say. Somehow, I muttered one or two things about the relationship between Charlotte and Elizabeth. Then automatically, I started saying something about Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy but from the looks of the audience, I knew it was not making sense. I decided it was time to end this presentation. I tried to say the conclusion with a strong face and then walked back to my seat to the sound of reluctant clapping.
That was probably the most embarrassing experience of my life, but it taught me an important lesson. That day I learnt that no matter how many books I read, they will not teach me all the important skills needed to succeed in life. It was not all about being able to solve Math or Chemistry equations correctly or even about getting an A in every class. I had to learn to think clearly and speak freely and to be able to do that I would have to come out of my bubble, I would have to stop being shy and become more confident of myself.
That was my first presentation in tenth grade. Since then, I have had to do many presentations and deliver several speeches. Some of them have been great and some of them not so great, but every time, I have tried my best to speak freely and confidently. There are still times when I get nervous but I will always remember the lesson I learnt that day: that all education does not come from a book and to succeed I need to be good at both the theoretical and practical aspects of life.
Overall, I would say this is fairly good. It definitely looks like you grew from this experience. However, I would suggest one tiny bit of tone adjustment: You come down a bit harshly on books. Sure, the message of the essay is that you need to do more than just read, but books have a certain positive academic connotation to them nowadays. To put that in plain English, you might want to add a simple phrase such as, "Although books have many wonderful uses," before you state how you need to try things for yourself. Overall, though, it's good.
Also, red is for grammatical errors, and blue is for style tips. You don't necessarily have to follow the blue.
