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"I began studying sociology" - UC Transfer Intro- Sociology Major


Razzee015 1 / -  
Nov 30, 2010   #1
Just a few days ago I decided to apply to an additional UC that does not offer my specific major (social welfare), so I changed both to sociology. The bulk of my essay will work for both but I had to rewrite my intro. This is the day it's due so any prompt feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Prompt 2: What is your intended major?...

Human social development is an area that I have long been curious about. From as far back as I can recall I have had questions regarding how we become who we are as individuals and further how we learn to perceive, interact in, and shape the world around us. I grew up in an ethnically and culturally diverse family, and observing them gave me early insight into just how different each person's life experience can be, even when they are as close as cousins. When I began studying sociology, I realized that I had finally found the right forum-for myself-to truly examine this aspect of humanity.
elisabeths 1 / 3  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
i think it's written well...really like it!
you give some good (personal!!) examples why you're interested in that specific course.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 16, 2010   #3
Wow, I can't see much room for improvement. You wrote it in a great way. The only thing you can do, I guess, is get more precise about your intentions. That will make it interesting. I mean, even though you wrote this very well, it is still just describing sociology as your area of interest and then adding that you come from a background of diversity. But I think you can get a little more specific about maybe an area of specialization in the field of sociology so that you can "add interest" to the essay and show that you have been researching concepts of modern importance in the field.

:-)


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