Is the beginning of my SOP for MS in Computer Science appealing enough?

Can you please review my SOP for MS in Computer Science. I am just putting the first and last paragraph, as I am not happy with these paras and want some advice on them. The other paras are all about my technical background and paragraphs.

Thanks in advance.

First Para:
After consideration of my academic background, sufficient exposure to Computer Science subjects and my professional experience, I have decided to pursue my graduate studies at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX in Computer Science with a concentration towards Computer Networks. Securing a strong performance in the All India Engineering Entrance Exam expedited me to join the prestigious National Institute of Technology, Trichy with the specialization of Instrumentation and Control Engineering. The courses of "Data Structures and Algorithms", "Computer Networks", "Data Mining and Warehousing"(which I chose as my final year elective) and "Programming Tools and Techniques" were my absolute favorites in the curriculum. These courses along with other Computer Science subjects as backgrounds and their blend with my majors' courses of "Sensors and Transducers" and "Digital Techniques" made me intensely interested towards the area of Computer Networks.

Last para:
With my industry experience approaching 2 years, I feel it's a graduate school that would further enrich my knowledge in Computer Networks and related areas and would fuel my passion for this field. It will open up greater launch pads for me as a researcher in this field. In future, I look forward to work at a premier research institute or continue my PhD in this ever-exciting area.

The highly renowned faculty, well planned curriculum especially the extensive number of courses available and the sophisticated research facilities have motivated me in choosing the MS program at Department of Computer Science, XXXXXXXXXXXX.

Hii,

It would be better to start with describing how you ended up developing keen interest in Computer Engineering. Rather than just stating them like "After consideration of my academic background, sufficient exposure to Computer Science subjects", it would be more effective if you elaborate them a little bit. This is what i think.

All the best.

... I have decided to pursue my graduate studies at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX in Computer Science, with a concentration towards Computer Networks.

Securing a strong performance in the All India Engineering Entrance Exam compelled me to join the prestigious...

These courses along with other Computer Science subjects as backgrounds, and their blend with my majors' courses of "Sensors and Transducers" and "Digital Techniques" has made me intensely interested in the area of Computer Networks.

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With my industry experience approaching 2 years, I feel it's a graduate school that would further enrich my knowledge in Computer Networks and related areas and would fuel my passion for this field. It will open up greater launch pads for me as a researcher in this field.

In future, I look forward to working at a premier research institute or continuing my PhD in this ever-exciting area.

I think that when they read your essay, they'll know how lucky they'll be to have you as a student. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)