'Behind that software' - NJIT Essay

This is my essay for the NJIT Computer Science undergrad program, I'd appreciate any help I can get in making it better.

How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?

I had frequently heard the term, "NJIT" in my youth, but at the time it had no meaning. As I grew older I came to realize what it truly meant. It was a bridge to success and understanding, and that was clearly reflected through my parents whom both graduated from the New Jersey Institute of Technology. Both are highly respected chemical engineers who demonstrate strong work and understanding within their field. Having the opportunity to attend the New Jersey Institute of Technology would truly distinguish me from others.

Computers from an early age had always fascinated me. As I grew older I fed that fascination through better understanding of computer systems and how they worked. I had built multiple computers, however there was little emphasis on the software. Although a computer takes both hardware and software to function, I believe the software is of more importance because it binds the hardware together to work simultaneously. A computer with fast hardware is nothing without the proper software to keep it up to par.

Behind that software must be a well disciplined programmer with patience, and a strong passion for design. The New Jersey Institute of Technology will help me to strengthen those traits, and prepare me for a future in a challenging field like computer science. The rigorous curriculum will no doubt require an abundance of discipline and focus, which will help me establish strong logical reason and problem solving. As well as introduce me to a wide range of languages like Python, and the construction of operating systems. This is the exposure I need to succeed in such a strenuous field. There is no doubt that the New Jersey Institute of Technology is the next and best step for me moving forward.

Once again,
Thanks.

I think you shoul emphasize less your parents, rather show how their strong education at NJIT influenced your choice.

For the rest I think you Did a good job..I enjoyed reading it and what you say is wrote in a really strong way.

can you help me revising my UPenn essays??

I think you did a great job.