heyy, i saw this other guy posted HIS essay and got some good feedback :] so i was wondering if someone could do the same for me!
here is what i got so far:
Florida State University
ESSAY (500 words or less):
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life."
The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, and Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. While every individual is granted many positive traits and qualities; one cannot attain them all. The Vires and Artes values reflect my life as I am intellectual and crafty.
When I was 10 years old I moved from Belgium to New Jersey not knowing a single word of English. I had to learn a complete different language, ethnicity and routine. Being a complete foreigner to others; I didn't fit in. Learning a foreign language has been by far the hardest thing for me. At first I was reluctant to both moving across the world and learning a different language; I did not want to leave my life behind. But looking back now, it was truly a life changing experience. I spent my whole middle school career learning a language, applying myself, learning their routine and trying to fit in. Ever since the first day of six grade till today I have been applying Vires as best as I can, and am glad to say my high moral and intellectual aspect on life helped me get all the way through it.
As if being intellectual was not enough I also consider myself Artes. My first passion has always been arts and crafts. Every little kid loves to color or paint, but only some grow up really love it. Although I do not consider myself a phenomenal artist; I love to design things. When I was 7 years old I started out my own jewelry business; I bought beads, made a design, preformed the design, and sold my projects with profit. As I grew older I excelled in my work and started using real crystal beads; by the age of 9 I made over 600 in profit. When I moved to the United States, I stopped beading because of my lack of time and customers. But once I entered high school I took up a ceramic course, not only performing my work on time, but also producing more projects than required. Artes is a real part of my life as I exemplify in skill, craft, art and design.
My life is defines by Vires and Artes; I am both intellectual and crafty. The work I have overachieved and the things I can make with my hands define who I am and reflect my personality. I can truly admit that moving across the world and learning to live in a completely different atmosphere has made me a stronger person then I would have been.
Being a complete foreigner to others ; I didn't fit in.
Ever since the first day of sixth grade till today I have been applying Vires as best as I can, and am glad to say my high moral and intellectual aspect on life helped me get all the way through it.
I bought beads, made a design, created the design, and sold my projects for a profit.
... by the age of nine I had made over 600 in profit.
My life is defined by Vires and Artes; I am both intellectual and crafty.
I can truly say that moving across the world and learning to live in a completely different atmosphere has made me a stronger person than I might have been.
Yes, we are here to help you!
Here are a few things to fix, but your essay is coming along nicely!
:)
thank you thank you thank you :]
i asked a few friends today also to help me out when i am done with the most of it i will re post it :]
This is my viewpoint of the 1st paragaph
My life is guided by multiple values; they are reflected in my every day demeanor. "Vires, Artes, Mores," the Florida State University motto, literally translates into "strength, skill, character." These three Latin words closely denote my personal values. Through personal introspection, I have come to understand how I too embody a strong balance of these values. I possess all three qualities which make me a true FSU Seminole. All three together make me the person I am today.
I had wrote this essay before,good luck!
My view of the last para,hope this helps!
"I now know we acquire the strength we have overcome. That is why I believe that the value of "Vires" can best be applied to me. I managed to find the strength in my moral outlook and my destiny of building the character of others. I am not sure where my education is going to take me, but with the strong sense of self I have gained and the drive to help others, I 'm sure I will go far and would love to take the next step by attending Florida State University"
\(^o^)/
You're on the right track. I would point out, however, that you probably don't mean this: "The Vires and Artes values reflect my life as I am intellectual and crafty ." The primary meaning of crafty today is "skillful in underhand or evil schemes." What you really mean is that you are skilled at crafts (which, by the way, is an old meaning of crafty that is no longer really current). So, I'd revise that sentence to match what you actually talk about in the body of your essay. Good luck.
