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I believe that some of the greatest successes stem from the act of persistence. UBC Personal Profile

iahamed 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2019   #1

What is important to you and why?

250 word max.

"You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it's important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages." - Michelle Obama. I believe that some of the greatest successes stem from the act of persistence; recognizing and taking accountability for your actions and mistakes, learning from these experiences, and working diligently to do better thereafter.

Having grown up in the slums of London, my father was forced to drop out of high school and get a job along with his three brothers, to support my widowed grandmother who had recently lost her husband to lung cancer. When he immigrated to Canada, he enrolled in business courses, and by working to pay for his education during his spare time, he put himself through school, becoming the first member of our family to achieve this. I am inspired by his story and feel that he is a strong example to follow.

This final year of high school has not been easy for me. The effort I have put in, despite personal issues, has been more that I have ever put in before. However, with these setbacks, the instinct to persist has become more urgent as well. Persisting through these challenges has not only helped me get closer to my goals, but has also helped me recognize the drive within us that helps us succeed in life.

Sherk 4 / 7 2  
Jan 6, 2019   #2
has been more that than...
.., but that has also helped me ...
Holt - / 7,532 2001  
Jan 6, 2019   #3
Imran, the quote from Michelle Obama is nothing more than an unnecessary word filler. The reviewer would rather hear more from you than reading a quote from someone else that you are using to explain your essay response. While the quote may be relevant, the fact that you are relying on someone else's words rather than your own voice creates a weak essay.

In all truth, the essay is at its strongest in the second paragraph. When you discuss how you admire your father because of his strength and resilience. You could actually build upon that to refer to what is important to you. Based on that paragraph, it appears that what is important to you is the strength that you get from the support of your family. The strength and importance of the family unit is also evident in that paragraph. Both of which are connected discussions that you could easily expand into a full 250 word response essay.

The weakest parts of this essay are the first and third paragraph. These do not really indicate what is important to you, only the second paragraph has that possible basis in terms of development. That is why I am suggesting that you focus on developing the second paragraph content for your new essay instead. Do not revise this version, it isn't going to work. You need a more focused and relevant essay to present to the reviewer. The second paragraph allows you that opportunity for a relevant "important" discussion.

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