Why I believe that Virginia Tech is the right place for me
5 reasons to be a Hokie. Virginia Tech essay
word limit 250 words
Virginia Tech is perfect for me
Choosing a college is one of the biggest decisions in my life, after all, a college embarks the journey of my career. After researching through many colleges i came across Virginia Tech and i knew it was perfect fit for me.Virginia Tech is known for its elite Engineering program.
Having contributed towards the first supercomputer,systems 10, i am excited to be a part of your computer engineering department.There are not so many places where it takes only a few steps from the modern academic environment to the beautiful, pristine forest. Not only, is Blacksburg an environmental phenomenon but also a rising technology center and hence job opportunities would flourish after graduating.The student life is also one of the best experience at Virginia Tech, with one of the best Alumni Network i am sure i will gain a lot of knowledge in areas other than studies.
Virginia Tech also boasts a huge variety of student clubs some of which appeal to my interest-for example, CSECVT and E-Club, which will help me pursue my entrepreneurial dream.Lastly, Virginia Tech offers a welcoming and family like nature, being an international student,far away from home,this is what i look forward to the most and this not something i read on the internet but from my friends in Virginia Tech who have experienced this welcoming nature.
Sanjam, when you revise this essay, make sure to outline the 5 reasons in numbered format. That way there is a clarity regarding the 5 reasons that you want to be a Hokie. From the way the essay is presented at the moment, you have more than 5 reasons listed here.
The first mistake in your essay is that your opening paragraph does not really provide a valid reason for your desire to become a Hokie. The fact that the university has one of the best engineering programs in the country isn't a strong enough reason to desire to become a Hokie because that is a common reason that will be given by at least 99 % of the applicants to the university.
Second, you are basing your desires on the location, publicly known locations in the university, and the alumni network. All of which assume that you have done a campus visit to the university. These are some of the weakest reasons to desire enrollment in a university because you could have gotten that reason, which is very badly developed in your essay, from any website or student blog dedicated to the university. I suggest that you do a little more research into the more unique academic and social aspects of the university. The less known the reason for your wish to become a Hokie, the more your essay will stand out. That shows you have based your decision to apply to the university on more than just pop culture references to the university.
Finally, pick one club alone to belong to. That will qualify as one reason. Each club represents one reason for wishing to become a Hokie, pick the one closest to your heart or advocacy in life. From my analysis of your essay, you are at least 2 reasons over the 5 reason limit but well within the 250 limit at 220 words. So you have plenty of room to revise the essay and make sure that it adheres to the 5 reason, 250 word requirement.
Remember, do research and find some more unique reasons to want to become a Hokie. For a more interesting essay, you have to choose the lesser known information. That is what will make your work stand out.
Sanjam, I think the best thing to do is to make a list of the 5 things that most excite you about the school first. After you have your list, think about why those things make you excited. You need to connect the things at Virginia Tech back to yourself. For example, they already know that they contributed to System X, but they don't know why that makes you excited.
It is best to state one of your reasons and then relate yourself to the reason. Say "[this thing] at Virginia Tech makes me excited to be a Hokie because I [give an example or something about yourself that relates to the aforementioned thing]." While the prompt seems like they're asking about the school, they really want to know about you.
thanks for the advices. i have accomodated your responses in my essay. I have removed the opening paragraph and am now directly stating my reasons.
VT offers one of the best engineering programs In the US. It also contributed to the world's supercomputer, systems 10. It would be an honor to learn from such a highly knowledgeable faculty and to discover some less known facts about computer science. Having finished my senior year computer science syllabus in my freshman year, I strive to become one of the best and being a part of such a strong program will not only help me keep up with my ability but also push it more forward.
Not only does VT boast a well reputed engineering program but also it is one of the best undergraduate research schools with seven research institutes and two university research centers. Having being applied to the Thiel Foundation, I am an innovator and always on the look out to create something amazing. The research opportunities will help me skillfully apply my theoretical knowledge in creating an Engineering Marvel.
Virginia Tech also supports more than 600 clubs on campus. But the one that interests me the most is the CSECVT club. Doing stuff outside of academics is what I live for, being a part of our school's computer club i know the competition to become one of the best club in the state.
Furthermore, the entrepreneurial spirit is blazing at Virginia Tech. Having started more than 16 startups in 2016, VT offers one of the best facilities in the world. Having started a non-profit organization in my high school, the entrepreneurial spirit resides within me and I believe that the resources at Knowledge Works will help me to refurbish my skills and become one of the best in the world.
Lastly, the welcoming and friendly nature of Virginia Tech, It is something I look forward to the most. Coming from a minority I would like a college where students would not let religion come into the way of friendship. ( i want to build more into this paragraph ).
also i just checked the word limit and it says 250-300 words.
would love to hear your comments on this.
Sanjam, you are still using commonly known information in the essay. That makes the feel of the essay still generic. There is no need to repeat information that the reviewer already knows. So the number of clubs, the status of the engineering school, engineering program, and 16 start ups are no longer necessary in this essay. If you eliminate the references to those in the next version of the essay and just keep the focus on your personal choices and statements, then the 5 reasons will become clearer and more satisfying to read. You can easily come under the word count once you remove the redundancies in the essay as I indicated above. It is always best to just say what you have to say. Don't bother with lengthy introductions because that is what causes you to immediately go over the word count. Be short, direct, and relevant in response. That is all that is required.
Sanjam, i think you can include more about the college like the location, and some inner facilities.
I wrote about the things that interests me the most and i could relate to them in my life. Other things that i have found are based on location and dinning and other fun stuff they do at the university. plus its difficult to find such unique information given that i am an international student.
But i will give it another shot and lets see what i can come up with.
I strive to become one of the best, having finished my senior year computer science syllabus in my freshman year, I have the ability to push my limits. VT offers one of the best engineering programs In the US. It also contributed to the world's first supercomputer. It would be an honor to learn from such a highly knowledgeable faculty and to discover some less known facts about computer science. Getting to be a part of such a program will only push my ability to its vast extents.
Lastly, Tech Traditions. College is not just about studying but also enjoying college life and VT has one of the best traditions alive. Ranging from 'The Tech Ring' To 'The Coofers'. Every tradition is more exciting and different from the other.
i changed the last point let me know if its good...
I guess this will have to do. You cannot seem to grasp the concept of not needing to mention obvious information in your essay. So I will give up in trying to explain to you why you have to remove those references. Your essay is overly long for something that should only discuss the five basic reasons why you believe VT is the right place for you. However, you can keep this current format because it is the only way that you can explain yourself in your own thoughts and words. I wish I could have helped you remove the redundancies and irrelevant information but no matter how many times I advice you to do that, I still see the same mistakes over and over again in your paper. So go ahead and use this version. This is who you are and this is what the reviewer must know about you and your 5 most important reasons that you want to be a Hokie. This is an improvement over the other versions. It is just that you have not cleaned up the paper enough to pass as one that delivers enough of a keen interest in the university without sounding like you just researched the information. As an international student, I guess you deserve a pass for that. So I will let it slide already. The presentation is acceptable enough at this point to consider it usable with the rest of your application.
sorry for all the trouble i am causing.
These are my final questions :
1) Does the last paragraph relate to your suggestion on adding 'less known features' ?
2) Should i mention the explanation for picking up the reasons that i mentioned because somewhere i feel it complicates the essay.
3) If i am applying to engineering can i talk about stuff other than the academic focus ?
Sanjam, you are not causing a problem at all. I understand how difficult it is for you to develop these sorts of essays. I do try to help you as best as I can so if you want to continue working on this essay, provided you can continue to improve it along the lines of my instructions, then we can keep working together to finalize this statement of yours.
Please let me respond to you in the same numerical format so you won't get confused with my responses and hopefully, you can understand my instructions better.
1. Yes, the last paragraph relates to the lesser known features that I asked you to present in the essay. In fact, that is the best part of the statement that you were able to develop. So that is actually a paragraph that could be better developed if you have the chance to do so.
2. The reasons that your explanation becomes complicated is because you keep on referring back to the number of research institutes and university research centers. All you have to say is something as simple as " I want to be a Hokie because of the unique research opportunities that the WAZE lab can offer me in line with my engineering interests. " The explanation about your application to the Thiel Foundation is out of place. The reference to the supercomputer is also out of place. Most of the information that overly explains your interest in a particular reference to why you want to be a Hokie definitely complicates the essay.
3. You should definitely feel free to focus outside of the academic structure of VT even though you are an engineering student. In fact, that could help your 5 reasons essay become more interesting to read. The academic structure is already very well discussed and the reviewers tend to get bored about it. So if you can present some other information that will make your essay just a fun and easy to read statement, that will be appreciated by the reviewer.
Look at the examples of other 5 Reasons to be a Hokie essay responses here at the forum. It should help you get a better idea of the kind of information you should be presenting in your essay. Some of your reasons are good. The problem is the presentation. Like i said, the redundancies and irrelevant references are what pulls down the quality of your essay.
VT offers one of the best engineering programs In the US.I really look forward to get to know some less known facts about Computer Science from some of the best faculty teachers namely, Dr. Naren Ramakrishnan and David Mcpheron.
Another academic aspect that excites me the most is, the Research. The opportunities at Ware Lab are one of the best experiences, not only I get to know my area of interest but it also teaches me to balance collaborative and individual work. The showroom at Ware Lab is very famous among recruiters as well and hence increase chances of getting hired.
There is a definite improvement in this particular version. The lightened tone of writing is exactly the kind of voice that this particular statement needs. It doesn't need to be as serious or academic in slant as your previous versions. This essay is all about your potential to enjoy your life at VT. That is the line of thinking behind this essay. Think beyond the classroom and academics. It is good that you acknowledge the need for further development in your last 2 paragraphs. Remember, keep the tone light. You don't need to repeat popular references either. Just keep on writing along this track. The responses have the potential to clearly show the reasons for your desire to become a Hokie. I am confident that your next version will be even better than this one.
VT offers one of the best engineering programs in the US.I am excited and passionate about being a part of the VT program, and getting to know about some less known facts about Computer Science from some of the best faculty teachers namely, Dr. Naren Ramakrishnan and David Mcpheron.
Another academic aspect that excites me is, the Research. The opportunities at CSNR are one of the best experiences, not only I get to know my area of interest but it also teaches me to balance collaborative and individual work. With over five interests at CNSR, Wireless Security excites me the most.
Out of the many clubs at Virginia Tech the one that interests me the most is CSCVT. The club aims at encouraging and expanding the field of cyber security. This will help me apply my skills that I learned in the class and even expand my resume.
The Big Event at Virginia Tech, which is the 2nd largest community service event in the country. I myself come from a community where our motto is to 'Selflessly Serve Others'. I find alignment in my personal values and VT's motto - UT Prosim.
Lastly, Tech Traditions. College is not just about the class room learning but also learning from other experiences of the college life and VT has one of the best traditions alive. Ranging from 'The Tech Ring' To 'The Coofers'. Every tradition is more exciting and different from the other but all carry one common emotion - The Hokie Spirit.
Sanjam, just to get this over with already, I am going to help you develop this response. Do not change any content, do not add to the content, do not do anything to the content. Just use it in the way that I will be presenting it in this post. This is 230 words long and is ready for use.Hokies take pride in the academic accomplishments of the university through the tutelage of top notch professors such as Dr. Naren Ramakrishnan and David McPheron. As a future student of Engineering, I am excited to become part of their classes as is part of the Hokie Engineering department tradition.
In relation to that, I am particularly excited to join other Hokies in the CSNR facility of the university. I am anticipating the fun and unique learning opportunity that I can have there through collaborative work with my peers, aside from my personal research accomplishment in the field of Wireless Security.
Due to my interest in Wireless Security, it is a given that my time as a Hokie will be spent at the CSCVT club where I am to looking forward to an exchange of ideas with my peers regarding the field of cyber secrity.
I am more than anticipating the chance to participate in The Big Event, which directly aligns with my community service interests which I share with the "UT Prosim" motto of the the university.
Just as I am anticipating joining The Big Event, I believe that my time as a Hokie will not be complete if I do not participate in the "Tech Ring" and "The Coofers". I won't consider myself an official Hokie until I partake of these two activities that clearly invoke the Hokie Spirit.
Again, do not touch anything. Just cut and paste this into the application box. There is nothing left for you to do, just follow my instructions and get this done.
Whoa !! Thanks for that ! Really Appreciate the help :) and i promise i will improve my writing skills from here on now.