I always believed that I wanted to be a model; NYU Bio

What are your academic interests ? how can they be fulfilled here at NYU?

From a young age, I always believed that I wanted to be a model. The cameras, the pictures, the beauty, the new identity that I could take on always intrigued me. My passion for modeling, like a flask, shaped my premature identity and molded me into an image that I believed fit me best. I swore to myself that this was who I would become; never looking back at the person I once was. As I grew older and continued looking ahead, I realized that my undying thirst for this career would not quench my knowledge or sustain me for life. Intellectual interests always intertwine with careers and a career path that would thrust me into a world of negativity and judgment on the most flawless beings is not something that I intend to rush into.

It wasn't long until my raging passion for modeling took on a new form, Biology. Contrary to any existing views, I found similarities between modeling and scientific knowledge. I traded being on the outside of the lens to become the person holding the camera, the microscope. I found this certain beauty in science, how everything just fits together so perfectly, like a picture. It's a bit like a puzzle combined with a secret. You are constantly trying to find stuff out - how things are put together, or why they work the way they do. When a discovery is made until you tell someone, "you" are the only person in the world that knows that fact, like modeling, you take on a new identity.

For those geared to understand it; and dedicated to its pursuit, science defines us; defines our world, our universe. With my newfound love, I soon found a connection to one particular subject; biology. The applications of biology are limitless, the funding is always increasing, and as of today it holds so much promise and hope. NYU is a very culturally and intellectually stimulating school and I believe I can reach the next multiplicity in life using their resources. Using my passion for knowledge, the aspects of modeling and complexity of science, I can flourish from a plethora of academic opportunities and possibilities at NYU while bringing something new to the table.

It was really interesting to read how your interest in modeling evolved into your interest in biology. However, the question is what are your academic interests, so mostly emphasize exactly that- your interest in biology, but you can still include modeling. Just make the connection more clear since there some wordiness and awkward similes.

Also, specify in your conclusion. NYU is basically asking why NYU? How will NYU fulfill your interest in biology because many other universities have resources for biological research.


I didn't understand why you used the simile until I read about your interest in biology. It seems that you wanted to show how you connected biology with modeling, but I felt that you made it clear in your second paragraph.


These sentences sound awkward. It would sound coherent if you directly stated why you diverted from modeling to biology.


It would be interesting to have this sentence replace the first sentence of the second paragraph and then continue introducing why you took on biology.


Stick with one comparison to clarify your point, and it is advised to not use the word "stuff" and "bit".


How?
Hopefully, my comments help! Reread it out loud to yourself. That will help! Good Luck!

The photo shoots, cameras, beauty and glamour that are associated with the models kept intriguing me.


..."like a flask"? ... I don't really get this :(
Your response talks very little about how NYU contributes to your academic interests.You need to talk more about that aspect as it is one of the prime objectives of this question.

I love this idea -- so creative! Although I would elaborate more on how NYU in particular can fulfill your academic interests