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What are the benefits of a diverse educational community? (Virginia Tech)

lfloyd11 2 / 4  
Dec 8, 2011   #1
The benefits of a diverse educational community are endless. A diverse educational community brings different people, cultures, languages, and more. As I begin my journey at Virginia Tech, I will come in contact with people that are not only from a different country, but also people with disabilities, people with different economical statuses, and people with different preferences of sexual orientation. I will not only learn to communicate with different types of people, but also learn to accept individuals for who they are and respect their morals and beliefs. By doing so, I will be able to take the knowledge I learn from them and carry it with me as I enter the work force. I am prepared to accept this challenge as I continue my college career. I believe that Virginia Tech will be a perfect fit to not only study from a rigorous curriculum, but also gain a better knowledge of the types of people the world holds.

I am not sure what else to write. I don't want to sound generic, but I'm having a difficult time coming up with ideas for this topic. Also, it has to be 250 words or less.
maroon5 9 / 57  
Dec 8, 2011   #2
Okay, your ideas are sound and there is nothing wrong with sounding generic here if you can make your essay sound sincere and genuine...i feel as though u style of writing and the words u have used don't do this properly...For instance, you are simply stating that going to Virginia tech would make u this and that. I don't mean to sound harsh but i don't think anyone who read your essay would truly believe that u were very enthusiastic about experiencing a diverse community...I suggest you make your essay more real, sincere and heartfelt....post ur future drafts here if you want further revison...once again i am sorry and u don't have to take my advice if u don't like my suggestions...GOOD LUCK

Please Look Over My Amherst Supplement
Ravenclaw_roar 4 / 38  
Dec 8, 2011   #3
Hi, I agree with maroon5. I don't really feel as if you truly want to experience a diverse community. Your essay sounds a bit emotionally detached. I think that you should make it more personal. Really concentrate on what you truly feel and show the depth of your emotions. That will really make it a more heartfelt essay. Don't wanna sound too harsh but your essay sounds as if you are merely stating facts. Improve on it and you're sure to have a great essay! Good luck!

Btw, could you pls critic my essay as well? Any kind of criticism is welcomed!

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