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What was the best advice you've ever been given and why?


smileypeace 2 / 11  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
Forty two precious words flow out from my mother as a whisper that wishes to be repeated in the mind -- echoing on certain types of days that we all experience.

"Each of us has much more hidden inside us than we have had a chance to explore. Unless we create an environment that enables us to discover the limits of our potential, we will never know what we have inside of us" -Mahammad Yunus

The message is a note worthy one: to reach the limits of our potential and flourish as human beings, we must challenge our limits and seek opportunities to enrich ourselves intellectually and socially.

In the tenth grade, I realized that my school was not presenting the intellectual challenges I needed to flourish. That March, my local newspaper, El Correo, featured an advertisement about a new school opening-Bree HS Early College. After reading about the Bree mission and approach to education, I eagerly filled out an application, took an assessment, and went for an interview.

I was ready to take on the challenge of college courses. At Bree I knew I would encounter even more rigorous work than what I was undertaking in honors classes. I decided that transferring to Bree would be an amazing opportunity for me to gain exposure to college, learn at a higher caliber, and further develop intellectually. I wanted to challenge myself as Yunus suggests we should.

At Bree, I have taken his advice to heart by taking the most rigorous course load possible. As a result I have been exposed to material of high caliber that challenges me to think and write critically, to question the arguments of authors and classmates, and reexamine my own views in response to others ideas. I have conducted an experiment and written a scientific paper on Arabidopsis thaliana, learned how to find derivatives, and pondered on Hobbes' theory of the state of nature. Bree has allowed me to choose a well rounded course selection, cherish the mind, and value the progression of ideas.

My primary interest lies in enriching my mind to its greatest capabilities, even if it means taking intellectual risks and considering opposing ideas for curiosity's sake. Through this exploration I have discoverd for myself that being surrounded by those who disagree with me allows me to learn more and be more engaged with a given topic than by being surrounded by those who I completely agree with. I understand there may not always be a solution- what matters is taking the initiative to uncover one.

I could have easily overlooked the newspaper advertisement.Instead, my willingness and drive to always go the extra mile and my desire to improve in all areas pushed me to sought out this opportunity for self enrichment with gusto - by attending Bree Queens."

Mahammad Yunus's quote has served as a special ingredient in the recipe for success. For me, it has been the compass that will guide me to continued success and reassures me that I have yet to reach my potential and that I am capable of leading others.

(I think the 1st paragraph is too long. How can I shorten it? Is the essay missing anything? )
muhammadjilani - / 1  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
I think that if I were writing that essay I'd concentrate more on the opportunities that Bree offered you than the decision to go there. How did you do justice to those opportunities? How did you find your true potential there?
whitepolarbear 7 / 31  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
This important code of words have been transcribed in books by the benevolent and spoken on some interviews on television. It has been repeated by those wise persons who have stepped before us and those who step along side us, wishing and hoping for us to do our best.

I feel like the beginning part of this paragraph was much too vague. It sounds poetic, just not very practical. It might be better to put the quote first, then talk about how it is something historical persons have been trying to tell us.

I could have easily seen it

"I could have easily overlooked it"

and, I went further

no and after semicolon. "I went further" is too vague, too short.

I am capable of leading the rest.

what does this mean?

overall, you only talked in vague terms about what you did at this school. Go into specific details, instead of talking only about how you applied, etc.

hope this helps!
Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Dec 28, 2009   #4
Heh. Do not repeat the prompt/question outside of middle school English. Absorb the issue, mess around with it, and spit it out in new form. The preceding posts already make note of your passion for keeping in broad terms. To be fair, the quote is wide open to interpretation, which should have you honing your message. With this much latitude, you may operate freely, but accordingly must show that you can handle yourself.
aikd80cn 4 / 18  
Dec 28, 2009   #5
It has been repeated by those wise persons who have stepped before us and those who step along side us, wishing and hoping for us to do our best

you dont really need this, u can use the space elsewhere

intellectually, socially and mentally.

would u agree that intellectually is the same concept as mentally?

The message is a note worthy one

never heard 'note worthy' ... if u have then its fine ! , but if not u could say: The message is worth pointing out , or worth noticing

my local newspaper, El Correo

take out the comma

approach to learning

approach to education, or educating

After learning about the Bree mission

use 'reading' instead of learning, first cause it doesnt sound familiar, second that u mention 'learning' twice in that sentence

me to gain exposure to college

what does this mean?

At Bree I would encounter even more rigorous work than what I was undertaking in honors classes; still, I felt the experience would be worthwhile

the verb tense doesnt seem right here,u should say: at bree i encountered ...

as a result have been exposed to material of a high caliber

as a result I have ...

to ask questions of authors and classmates

do u mean ask questions 'from' authors?

I have conducted an experiment and written a scientific paper, learned how to find derivatives and pondered Hobbes' theory on the state of nature

make this more clear, a scientific paper on what? derivatives of what? im not sure if the reader will know about hobbes theory

to pursue Bree Queens as much as I did.

the 'as much as i did' part doesnt make sense, what do u mean?

good essay, i like how your expressions.
i hope my feedback was useful, in return can you comment on my essay?
sbdaiquiri 8 / 21  
Dec 28, 2009   #6
Overall, I think your essay comes together nicely. I was confused about this part though: "...I am capable of leading others."
Perhaps you could mention some leadership positions you have held at Bree to reinforce what you are going to be doing in the future in terms of leading others.

I like how you unpack the quote/advice in your own words. It's a great interpretation of a quote that is more or less vague.

If you are within the word limit, maybe expand on your accomplishments at Bree.
(what was the scientific paper on? what experiment did you conduct?)

good luck!
danielhe 4 / 13  
Dec 28, 2009   #7
about a new school opening-Bree HS Early College
I would say: new school opening called Bree HS Early College.

I chose to attend Bree because I wanted to explore subject matters at a more complex level, I wanted to challenge myself as Yunus suggests we should.

Either split into two sentences and say In other words... or get rid of the second part altogether.

Nice essay on a quote from a good person!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 3, 2010   #8
Try combining this as one paragraph:
...and value the progression of ideas. My primary interest lies in enriching my mind to its greatest capabilities, even if it means taking intellectual risks and considering opposing ideas for curiosity's sake. Through this exploration I have discoverd for myself that b Being surrounded by those who disagree with me enables me to learn more and be more engaged with a given topic than by being surrounded by those who I completely agree with. I understand there may not always be a solution; what matters is taking the initiative to uncover one.

There! Do you like it that way?


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