Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.
As a child, I loved to play with Lego's. On a flat Lego board, I tried my hardest to build "cool" bridges and buildings, complete with plastic Lego people, so it would look like a city. I remember my excitement as I showed my creations to my mom- I would go on and on, explaining in painstaking detail why I had placed a certain bridge here, or a building there. As I grew older, I became fond of drawing, which allowed me to express my ideas and designs with nothing more than a pencil and paper. The thrill of realizing my ideas, first as a drawing on a paper, then constructed as a model, and finally, built as a full-scale structure, is indescribable. It always makes me smile when I have my favorite daydream: that I am walking by a building that matches the one in my sketchbook, only bigger. Looking backwards from now, my passion has always been clear: architecture.
Seoul is a densely populated city that has continuously needed more apartment buildings. Unlike California, roads are very narrow and all kinds of buildings unite to form a city-forest. As I was growing up in Seoul, I saw many building structures being built around my home. Firstly, irons were placed in jungle gym-like manner. I remember, walking to and back from school, imagining what the creation would look like when it is completed. I hoped it would be something fascinating that was drawn in my imagination. However, the end products were always disappointing. It was always square and ten to fifteen floored building with square windows, just with some added colors here and there. I understood that a city needed some uniformity as a collective whole, but boxes of concrete were not it. When I thought that these typical buildings would be there for at least a few centuries, I was disgusted. I believed if structures were designed aesthetically one by one, they would determine the city's image that is powerful enough to better the perception on everything in the city. Such cities would then be created one by one to form a nation with unique splendor. These nations would then unite to form a collective whole that is as powerful a presence as it is aesthetically sublime.
Since these days, I have dreamed to be an architect, an artist who visualize, design, and implement in the largest scale in order to create a collective whole that is a powerful presence.
For this reason, Carnegie Mellon is my top choice. It is home to one of the best Architectural programs in the nation, which would help me build a solid base from which to conceptualize my designs. The Diverse culture I can experience at CMU and Pittsburgh is also a powerful draw. Pittsburgh is filled with Museums, Broadway shows, exhibitions, art shows, and extraordinary buildings that are a delight to my eyes and soul, all of which I will never experience if not in Pittsburgh. Last but not least, Carnegie Mellon has renowned soccer program, which would fulfill my other passion.
I think my essay is very weak :( T^T
I don't know what I should write for the reasons for applying to CMU's school of architecture.
Should I just list out the statistics and say that those prove the CMU is a good school?
I found a little mistake here:
Since these days, I have dreamed to be an architect, an artist who visualizes, designs, and implements ideas in the largest scale in order to create a collective whole that is a powerful presence.
About the length, i see that this is actually more than a page and a half doublespaced, so it is too long!
You need to find about 5 different articles about the school's architecture program and see what makes it an attractive school for certain students. What unique strengths does the program have? There must be something! You might want to ask a current student, someone already attending. When you show that you are aware of their program's strong points, it shows that you understand the question, and that you are a serious learner.
This essay is nice, but the instructions for this essay are very specific. Now, in one page, you have room for only about 12 or 15 sentences, so make each of them count. Write one paragraph all about their program, and mention the names of faculty members.
Good luck!
