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"the best education program" - Transfer reasons for transferring/goals to achieve


JGiolli 1 / 1  
Feb 7, 2011   #1
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

The end of my high school career was creeping up on me so quickly that I realized I had to make a decision, and quickly, about which college I would choose to attend in the coming year. After long talks with my parents, many college visits, and having no clear vision of what I wanted to pursue as my professional career, I decided to go to the local community college: Raritan Valley Community College. I continued to work throughout my college career and quickly discovered that my heart was set on Secondary Education as my career choice. I became so intrigued with the education program that Raritan Valley offered and as soon as I stepped out of my first education course, I knew that it was for me.

In my field experience class, I was given the opportunity to do student observations in both an elementary and high school setting. I was placed into classrooms in Hopewell, NJ and began to see the teachers at work from an outsider's perspective, rather than a student's perspective. I quickly came to the decision that I wanted to be a high school teacher, and teach English.

At Raritan Valley, they offer a very great education program-but only an associate's degree. I knew from the moment I chose to go to Raritan Valley that I would be transferring in two years, but I didn't know where. It would really depend on what I wanted to do with my life. After I realized that I wanted to be a teacher, I knew that I would have to find a school that would really help make me the best teacher I can be and offer me the best education program possible.

In transferring, I want to be taught the science of the pedagogy of teaching, because I believe I already have the most important part: the heart of it. In order to be successful teacher, I believe that I need to be a lifelong learner and I would love to partner with a school that has those same views. I want to attend a college that has the best education program in the state of New Jersey and that will offer me plenty of field experience to truly prepare me for the workforce.

I hope to learn not only from my classes, but from the diversity that surrounds me in the classrooms. I want to participate in a study abroad program if I can so that I can really push and challenge myself in an unfamiliar setting. I believe that this school will really offer me the best college experience possible and I look forward to giving and receiving the best from my next college.

It's my first draft-haven't even edited or revised it. And I really wasn't sure how to go about writing it so I don't think it's very good. I would be willing to rewrite the entire thing if you guys think that would be best- I didn't really know where to start.. any suggestions?

Thanks

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Feb 9, 2011   #2
The end of my high school career was creeping up on me so quickly that I realized I had to make a decision, and quickly, about which college I would choose to attend in the coming year. This is a good opportunity for me to tell you something important. Do not waste the reader's mental energy with a long, obvious statement that does not do anything to help achieve your goal. Your goal is to convey to the reader that you are a serious student who reads in his free time about advancements in his chosen field.

After long talks with my parents, many .... heart was set on Secondary Education as my career choice. --You write well, but I am here to tell you not to include unnecessary sentences. Here is the first sentence of your essay:

I became so intrigued with the education program that Raritan Valley offered and as soon as I stepped out of my first education course, I knew that it was for me. (Now add a little about your philosophy of education, and then give a thesis statement that tells the main idea of the whole essay... your truth to express.

I want to be taught ---This is not very proactive. How about filling this essay with references to books and journal articles that inspire you.

Mu favorite part: In order to be successful teacher, I believe that I need to be a lifelong learner and I would love to partner with a school that has those same views.

I want to attend a college that has the best education program in the state of New Jersey and that will offer me plenty of field experience to truly prepare me for the workforce. nevermind this stuff that anyone could say. Every paragraph is an opportunity to EXPRESS important ideas about education in America... what is needed, what great advances have been made, what specialization you might embrace. Show that you are reading every day because you are so motivated.

And it is especially great if you find a book or article written by a professor from whom you will be learning.

:-)
james23 3 / 8  
Feb 12, 2011   #3
Hi, I am having problem as well in my essay. But your essay is good so far. I think you should take your first sentence about your high school, just go to the point.. Kevin is right about the article.

I will look at your essay more, I still have mine to complete and i will like you to read .

I will post you a link when i am done


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