I am currently an Engineering Physics major at ISU and am looking to transfer to the Materials Science program at UIUC. This has been my only motivation for the last year and if there is anything you could help me on with this essay it would greatly be appreciated. My GPA is good, but I feel like this essay is going to be the most important factor coming in to the application. Thanks!
The prompt:
In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/previous institution and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.
I entered Illinois State University uncertain about the trajectory my academic career was taking, but acknowledged that college was an environment that would help me find and single out my passion. Taking an introductory physics class with a focus on engineering in my first semester helped me identify the path I wanted to take in this new environment, and the ambitions I wanted to see fulfilled. I found the information I learned about the engineering profession to be compelling - and saw the vital connection this practice posed to the future, and how I wanted nothing more than to be a hand in helping propagate humanity and society the best way possible. I especially found interest in the practices of nanotechnology, and the Discovering this new-found passion also led to me to quickly realize that my current university did not satisfy the expanse of study I desired to meet these ambitions as I saw fit, and led me to pursue a university that has a much deeper focus on engineering and research. I can now see that an institution such as the University of Illinois would not only be perfect for meeting my academic goals, but also for self-discovery, as I can expand my passion in the wide variety of extracurricular research service and the other opportunities offered at the rich and diverse community that is the UIUC. I have never felt more ready to take charge of my life, and I believe that attending the UIUC will only open my eyes and opportunities more to the materials science engineering world, furthering my trend of academic successes. I can honestly say that regarding transferring to UIUC, I have not been more motivated to do anything in my life. With the drive I have acquired over the last year, I am ready to attend the best engineering school in the country, attempting to give UIUC an even greater name.
I am thinking I might want to include something more about my interest in Materials Science specifically, would that be a good idea? Also, I realize it is a little over 300 words. That will be fixed.
Overall, there were a few sentence structure errors, but I really liked your essay. Although I wish you could elaborate more, (noted above) I think it will be a bit difficult to do because of your word limit. Maybe you could say things that you've want to learn and desire to learn and take out things about how ready and excited you are to transfer to UIUC.
I hope my edits helped a little and I wish you the best of luck!!!! Oh and ignore the spacing, I just did it because the HTML was tripping me up.
