Prompt: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?
"This is my best friend, she's going to the Olympics," is how my friend Emily introduced me when we were younger. Now that we're seventeen, not much has changed. Despite the fact that my particular discipline of gymnastics isn't actually in the Olympics, I still have the goal to go as far as I possibly can in my sport. As a kid, anything was possible and the word unrealistic was not in my vocabulary. This still holds true today. Now however, as my gymnastics career is ending, I'm facing a problem I've never had before: I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I was always the gymnast. My interests make up a long and diverse list, but at the top of that list (bolded, with multiple exclamation marks, and underlined at least five times), is gymnastics. That's how it has been for almost my entire life, and without it I know I will be at somewhat of a loss. That's why NYU is my top choice. It will encourage me to pursue many interests and discover my new passion.
Being the global network that it is, NYU will offer me many opportunities to explore what I want to do with the rest of my life. The city itself is a place for the inspired; the dreamers who dance constantly to their own tune, a "magnet for talented and ambitious people," as your mission statement says. I see NYU as a place that I will learn from everyday simply by being there, not to mention what I will get out of it when I give all I have to my studies.
Gymnastics has formed me into a committed and driven person. These traits I will keep. I will also retain the belief that anything is possible through hard work and dedication. NYU will allow me to find new interests, and let those interests guide my education instead of forcing me into a major I'm unsure of. Although I will readily admit that I'm thoroughly lost, I believe that NYU will help me find myself and will provide me with unlimited possibilities that I would not have had anywhere else.
Let me know if the first paragraph is at all obtuse please! I also use the word "interest" a lot. Any suggestions for a substitute?
The first two paragraph is appealing and authentic. But I think you can combine the next two paragraphs together. By combining the two paragraphs, you can connect your life credo with the conviction of NYU better. Anyway, it is just my personally opinion and good luck with your application.
No corrections to the 1st paragraph, I pretty much see your connection between gymnastics and NYU. Use online thesauruses like m-w dot com to find synonyms for any word. To name a few: passion, importance,...
