American University is known for its politically active student body, where students engage in a variety of local, national, and global issues. Discuss an issue of importance to you and how you hope to become further involved with it as a member of the American University community. (250 word limit - no minimum)
There were laughs one moment and crying the next. We had bonded during our biology class the year before and our friendship had blossomed. But then, all of sudden, something snapped in my best friend. He was not himself, he was distant easily agitated and I had no idea what to do. Months later over a 2 a.m skype conversation he admitted to me that he is gay and that he hoped my perception of our friendship would not change. Days later he aired a blog on his youtube channel speaking of his struggle with self acceptance, depression, and self harm. As I noticed tears streaming down my cheeks, I truly discovered the impact that social standards can have on a person. My best friend, whom I love dearly, felt ashamed of being himself. As a result of our friendship, I feel like I have acquired greater social awareness. The word "gay" has a negative connotation to some, even in a nation that prides itself on diversity. "Gay" is still used as an insult. As a member of American University, I hope to work to solve this problem. By participating in Active Minds, an organization that encourages others to speak out about mental health and educate others about the realities of mental health, I hope to provide awareness for LGBT issues.
The essay contains a number of punctuation issues that you must address. I would like you to review the essay for comma placements and periods as right now, those two punctuation marks are necessary but not in use or visible in the essay. As for the content, You spent too much of the word count on discussing the way that you met your friend and his coming out, including his depression. The way that you hope to shed light upon the LGBT issues at American University practically became an after thought when it should have been the center of the essay. Revise the beginning of your essay to reflect a simple summary of the fact that your friend is gay. Then discuss how the community that the two of you move in accepted or rejected him as the reason behind your desire to shed light on their cause. Finally, present ideas about how you can use Active Minds to bring a spotlight upon their problems and how you hope the organization can help you solve or at least alleviate the problems the American University LGBT community must also face. I almost forgot, you also need to identify yourself as either heterosexual or a member of the LGBT community in order to give further strength and emotion to your written word. Refocusing the essay and presenting the necessary responses is the best way to revise the content of your paper. After that, we can review the paper again for grammar and punctuation errors that must be addressed and corrected.
