In my life, in the last group there is my best friend Monica.
I don't like this sentence much...it's too...simple.
We felt that incredible connection
hmm...make this a bit milder
This works perfectly with Monica and I
Together, we learned what sharing
is aboutmeans .
I think "is about" is too colloquial.
I remember a time when we had a long struggle trying to convince some classmates that cheating in exams was not a good idea at all. We both shared the same opinion and tried to transmit it to our friends in school.
Don't say just this. Say also what happened, how did your friends react? So elaborate more on this.
Furthermore, she always tells me when I am doing something that she believes is wrong
Just my idea, because it seems a bit harsh the way you have it.
At times it has been hard, because we are often blind to our own errors, but because of her, I have learned to be tolerant.
You start this sentence with "she corrects my mistakes" and end it with "now I'm more tolerant". To say the truth, the connection between these two is rather vague.
While they would demand their mother to buy them
a new pairs of Nike shoes every year, Monica would refrain herself of(I believe it is from, though I'm not sure) asking her mom to buy her
for her in years.
She believes in me more than anyone else; even when I failed to do so, she was there to make reborn my hope.
- "to do so" is a bit vague, maybe put another verb there, for example "to be confident"
"You will do big things;
I am sure of that.
Unlike family, which we do not chose and whose ties are unbreakable and exist forever whether we want
s only if they want to and they are not bound to give love
With Monica I have learned
that friendship is real, that true friendship exists
I removed that part because it was the same as the other one. Also, your ending sentence should also say something of the type "she has helped me become the person I am today".
Well, I did my best and I hope I helped you. Good luck!
Could you have a look at my short answers? (won't take you much time, promise) :)