No matter what anyone says about it, I know that education has the power to change the world we live in today; it has for ages.
The "it has for ages" is a bit awkward. Maybe take out the semi-colon and change it to "...to change the world we live in today, as it has for ages.
" It might be the word "ages" though. I can't quite decide!
I have seen unfortunate people be able to completely change their circumstances
Change to "I have seen people in unforunate situations be able to completely change their circumstances
," or "I have seen people in unforunate situations completely change their circumstances.
To think of the all the possibilities that are available to me is what makes me dream big.
"What makes me dream big is being able to think of all the possibilities that are avaliable for me.
" The phrasing was a bit strange, and very passive.
Besides those sentences, it's really good. I would edit the big about women, because that's the only time you mention women. Is this essay for an all-female school? Regardless of whether it is or not, you have to specify whether education, or education for women
is what matters most to you.
Also, I would probably change the first sentence--it doesn't really hook you in.
Really well-written essay though! As far as the topic, it's true that many people might write about education, but as long as it's apparent that you feel a real passion for it, I don't think that it matters that much.
Hope this helps!