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Your Betterment Is a Choice - Texas A&M Admission Essay Topic B

MichaelTAMU 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2017   #1
Prompt: Most students have an identity, an interest, or a talent that defines them in an essential way. Tell us about yourself.

Words with * are words I am unsure about and could possibly use adjustments :)

appreciation for own body

From a very young age, my parents instilled in me both a deep appreciation for the human body and the discipline required to not only live healthy, but to enjoy doing so. After 17 years of living *in this body*, I have learned to love *growing* and *bettering* it in as many ways possible - especially physically. I have primarily achieved this betterment by not only eating and exercising properly, but also by delving into *the sciences* to gain a deeper understanding about my own anatomy and physiology.

Thanks to my mother's stellar cooking abilities I was *able* (privileged?) to grow up consuming nutritious, home-cooked meals every day. I will always remember the joy I felt every day after coming home from school and smelling a juicy beef roast cooking in the crock pot or a spicy bean and meat chili simmering on the oven top. My mother's high-quality cooking allowed for my body to be properly nourished and energized throughout the course of my life, which in turn substantially aided in the progression of my physique. This perhaps, among other causations, sparked the passion in me to learn the science behind nutrition - the chemical components of food, how they work together or against each other, and the effects they have on the body. Any free time I had was devoted to enriching my knowledge of nutrition through watching YouTube videos and reading articles about whatever aspect of nutrition that sparked my curiosity *that day.*

However, all of the physically beneficial nutrients provided in my mother's meals would have been ultimately wasted had I not cultivated the discipline for working out. My drive to better myself in every way possible defines a major part of who I am, and is exemplified during my endeavors in the gym. Waking up early in the morning before school or staying up late at night after my parents had already fallen asleep are sacrifices I have regularly made over the course of my life in order to further improve myself and reach my personal goals. Additionally, my desire to have a healthy body has allowed me to overcome the struggles and distractions of my everyday *life*(responsibilities), and hone in on the *deeper* more important *goal*(purpose/mission) of becoming the best version of myself. This aspiration, along with all of the aforementioned *circumstances* (experiences), has led me to the discovery of my dream job - Osteopathy.

Osteopathy takes all of my favorite interests - the sciences behind bones and muscles, nutrition, exercise, and natural remedies - and combines them into a profession that would allow me not only to receive a salary for doing what I love, but also to *help* others in the process. The education I would acquire at Texas A&M would further prepare me for this career as well as grow and encourage my passion for health and fitness to an even greater extent. (New paragraph here?) All in all, my devotedness and excitement for the science(s?) of nutrition and physiological health as a whole have only grown since my early childhood and will continue to grow as I am supplied with *more* (and new?) experiences and knowledge on the subject.

I am not entirely happy with my conclusion and would love suggestions!

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,183 2314  
Oct 27, 2017   #2
Michael, this is a very good personal statement that shows the development of your interest in Osteopathy which, I believe, is your chosen college major. This essay does not want you to continue the discussion of the reasons you chose your major. Instead, it wants you to discuss something about yourself unattached to your major of choice. Who are you beyond the Michael with interest in this course? What are your other skills or abilities that make you a unique individual? What other things about you as a person, not as a student, do you think the reviewer needs to know about? Think in terms of who you are outside of school. Character development, a hobby that differs from most, an ability to do something that others cannot or have difficulty doing (like rubbing your head and tummy at the same time) are the normal topics discussed in this essay. So think along those lines as you work on developing your new essay. You should not use this essay for the current prompt. As usual though, you could use this essay for the open topic prompt since that prompt will accept any discussion you want to provide in the essay. It states:

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Yes, I think this essay will work very well for the open topic discussion essay. Don't get me wrong, the final decision as to the prompt you wish to respond to is yours. If you want to use the original prompt, you will need to change the essay though to make it more appropriate for the prompt.

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