Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. - that is the prompt
Ok so i took a bit of a risk with this because my old one was way to generic. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR FEEDBACK!
"Bhajagovindam... Bhajagovindam Govindambhaja mootamate..." Sorry, I am often stuck writing with the Carnatic melodies of M.S.Subbulakshmi dancing within my mind. Now, to consider your question... "New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of! There's nothing...," please do not mind that, my mind often oversteps its boundaries and enters the page. Hmm, my intellectual vitality? You see, I often am lost in thought- I work in a fragmented manner, thinking of bits and pieces of a myriad of different things and finally coalescing them into one, uniform concept. I feel that the idea of freedom of thought, and an almost randomness of thought within one's mind enhances their ability to solve problems. Consistency is dry and rigid. Spontaneity is flexible and useful. Which, I suppose transitions nicely to a discussion about my intellectual development. I see life as a disjointed quilt of events and experiences. It is refractory, uneven, and dynamic. Why must my thoughts be any different? If this universe can operate under entropy, why must my mind conform to order? "We could not, for example, arrive at a principle like that of entropy without introducing some additional principle, such as randomness, to this topography." Ah, take that tangent so candidly stated by Michael Polanyi. Life is random, and this quality is thus the source of my intellectual inspiration. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" Perhaps not. And perhaps that completely random statement is a useful instrument of emphasis in this essay. Maybe this glimpse into my mind has answered your questions: Spontaneity is the food of my intellect. Thus, I actively and openly use that force. I think with an intention to solve, but I let the elements that spring around me lead to the solution, in whatever way that may be. Well, what do you know? I am finished. Excuse me, "Bhajagovindam...Bhajagovindam Govindambhaja mootamate..."
Hi :)
I like this essay, nicely done. The introduction kinda threw me off-guard, I got a bit confused, and then I realized what you were doing. The first quality about yourself that you mention is about being lost in thought. As a reader, I wonder if that is the best thing to say on a college app. But it is unique! And I like the way you describe your thought processes, although one sentence is unnecessary:
Which, I suppose transitions nicely to a discussion about my intellectual development.
You don't need to say this, use your words wisely.
Life is random, and this quality is thus the source of my intellectual inspiration. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" Perhaps not. And perhaps that completely random statement is a useful instrument of emphasis in this essay.
Something about this statement is confusing, it sounds like rambling. Wrap up your essay with a few strong points. Nice work, good luck in school!
I really like it but I am wondering whether this answers the question of an experience or idea?
Wanna check out mine?
Loved it :) You had a lot of insight and I felt it flowed very smoothly. I like the way you connected the beginning and the end, so it seemed like your essay came in a full circle. Nicely done!
as far as the idea/experience issue- I was trying to go for an idea. my point is that the idea of freedom of thought/spontaneity is the catalyst for my "intellectual vitality" . i realize this is sort of a difficult concept but i wanted to do something different than the typical "life changing experience" of my childhood. mostly because i didnt really have one. this idea sort of flowed but i definitely had trouble expressing it. if you guys have any suggestions as to how i could maybe improve that i would really appreciate it ! thanks for all the other feedback!
also, the mayonnaise thing was meant to be a random statement- i threw in a sentence from spongebob squarepants hoping for some comedic relief and also to say that randomness and spontaneity can be useful. in this case that statement emphasizes my spontaneous nature and thus serves a purpose. idk, it seemed like a good idea at the time but i guess not too many people got it, which means those admissions reps at stanford are prob not gonna understand it lol
Jennyflower Can you check my essay?which is my personnel statement
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Which one do you guys think is better? which one do you guys think stanford will like more? the first one, which is new. or the second one, which i have already posted and you guys have already read. both essays accurately represent me even if they may seem contradictory. please comment!! I really need help deciding! THANKS EVERYONE!
Option 1:
If I have learned anything in eighteen years, it is that few people actually learn for sake of learning. Conversely, I tend to seek inspiration through intellectual interaction, and thus I am the person that speaks today. My initial drive to learn stems directly from the personal connection I had to the musical renditions of M.S.Subbulakshmi, master Carnatic vocalist. Her music has, and will always be, my most original source of my development. Despite the rising rigor of advanced classes the passion that MS dedicated to her work molded my definition of passion. In a way that can only be described as "indescribable," I received the spark that electrifies me to this day. M.S.Subbulakshmi's love for Carnatic music translated into a zeal that I express for my work. This alacrity extended beyond the intriguing subjects of the classroom, and came to encompass several disciplines, from chemistry and mathematics, to wildlife photography, music, and tennis. Her simple trickle of inspiration thus became my torrent of passion. My intellectual vivacity extends beyond the scope of traditional academia to brush every spectrum that I have in some way become exposed to. I believe, just as M.S.Subbulakshmi believed, that to love what you do is to live, but to simply do it, is to die. I constantly strive to feed my insatiable, omnivorous hunger. I want to learn about the hybridization of atoms, I want to understand the application of Calculus in the forehand stroke of a tennis racket. I want to breathe in the words of Emerson, and exhale the structure of Carbon Dioxide. I want to sing the hymns of M.S.Subbulakshmi, and bend light to form the image of an Amur Leopard. I want to diversify my interests, harness them under my fervor, and let the cascade sourced from M.S.Subbulakshmi do the rest.
Dang, that is one hell of an essay. And i agree with Desigirl, your essay at the ending had a really great connection in the beginning. You are a strong writer, and I would now focus on any grammar issues, because to be honest, I think it is ready to turn in!
I think the allusion to Spongebob might be lost on the admissions counselors, which is probably a good thing since you're trying to portray yourself as spontaneous and original, eh?
Thanks dollop much for your comments!! Really, I really appreciate all the help and encouraging replies!
I read your comment with both your essays, and found something intriguing. i'm not sure if i'm right about this, so take it with a grain of salt. Your first essay seems to answer Stanford's third question, "What matters to you and why". In your second essay, you delve into more unique ideologies and philiosophies, addresing the ideas that have led to you intellectual development asked about in Stanford's first question. Overall, both essay are very powerful, and either one could be sent immediately, because they are written extremely well.
