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Being a big sister taught me about the importance of being a responsible person

kalitahon 1 / -  
Sep 11, 2018   #1
Hi I need some help with my personal statement. It would mean a lot if you could help me edit it and give me feedback.

Personal Statement for Common App

On a hot and humid summer day in Taipei, my brother and I headed over to our favorite spring rider that was shaped like a car. I decided that I wanted both of us to ride it at the same time, even though we weren't supposed to. As we were rocking back and forth, I suddenly heard a CRACK sound and before I knew it, me and Maddix did a flip and fell onto the floor. I glanced over at him and noticed he had a gushing wound on his left cheek from scraping it on the broken spring.

I remember in that moment, all I could feel was guilt. My little brother who I was supposed to cherish and take care of, was the one who I had hurt. He had done nothing to me other than show me unconditional love and I hurt him. How could I forgive myself? I remember hearing his wailing outside the surgery room while I waited outside because I couldn't bring myself to see my brother in more pain for what I did. He soon came out of the room with tears in his big brown eyes and told me "Don't worry Jai, I still love you".

Even after all the pain I had caused him, my little brother was not even the slightest bit mad at me, he was so forgiving. And from then on, my brother and I were inseparable. It started with little things, where I helped tend to his stitches and went to fetch some new bandages, to helping him color his Winnie the Pooh art project for homework. I always made sure to go out of my way to make my little brother happy and to show him that I loved him because that is what he had done for me.

From this experience, I have learned the importance of being a responsible big sister. Being a big sister includes responsibilities such as being a role model and living up to expectations. I needed to make sure I was fulfilling my duties as an older sister, to ensure that my brother had someone to look up to. The little scar on his left cheek reminded me of so many things bad, but also of the moment where everything changed. He taught me the meaning of loving someone unconditionally and the meaning of forgiving. I was going to be a better person for him, his role model, so I could teach him like when he taught me.

kalyn 2 / 6  
Sep 13, 2018   #2
I suggest you to check your few grammar errors especially the pronouns such as:
My little brother whom I was supposed

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