Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
When I was young I had never even imagined living somewhere besides India; it was my home, and I had assumed it would be that way forever. One summer, I remember I was studying in my bedroom as my finals were in two days, when my dad walked in, his brow was furrowed and I couldn't tell if he was angry or just thoughtful. At first I thought he was joking when he said that he got a job in the United States and that we were moving, but all too soon I realized just how serious he was. I was very anxious to settle in a new country and to try to adapt to their culture. I was going to be starting 9th grade in New York. Yet even though I had learned British English at my school in India, I had a very hard time understanding the English that people spoke here. I soon became afraid that I wouldn't be able to adjust to this new environment: my friends all spoke of soap operas, celebrities, and movies that I had never even heard of. At times I felt like an alien, hovering on the fringes of their social groups.
My friends treated me differently because I couldn't speak their language fluently, and they doubted that I would ever learn to. Overcome by the need to prove myself, I decided to broaden my vocabulary and learn American English. I started teaching myself by reading books from the public libraries, and even watching American soap operas and movies. After a year went by, my vocabulary improved and I was able to contribute more to conversations. Still, my reading level was very weak, so I attempted to listen to DVDs and speak along at their pace. I also went to the writing center at my school to learn how to understand and correct my grammar mistakes. I know I have many problems when it comes to writing and reading English, so I took ACT classes to help me score high enough to get into a prestigious university.
After all of this hard work, I was able to finally strengthen my weak spots. It became easier to understand my mistakes, and, by using the rules I had learned, I was able to correct them without anyone's help. As time went by, I was able to adapt to the culture here by building up an understanding of sports, movies, soap operas, social gatherings, and friends. My vocabulary improved, and I am finally able to read at a much faster pace.
If move to a different country again, then I will first try to learn their language. I will use any means necessary to understand it; I will take help from friends and teachers to resolve my mistakes; I will read books to broaden my vocabulary, and try to analyze them so that I can ensure that I'm improving; and I will sign up for classes, either online or outside, so that they can help me learn faster and with rules. This will surely help me to learn any language or adapt to any culture at any point in my life.
good essay
This is a good start
"my vocabulary HAS improved"
"if I move to a different country again"
Instead of stating all the things you did to overcome it, you can state a few and elaborate on how that changed you. At the end, instead of repeating "I" over and over again stating what you would do in the same situation, come up with different structures of sentences.
Your English is fine!! You just need to strengthen the last two paragraphs. Please see my comments in CAPS.
"I took ACT classes to help me score high enough to get into a prestigious university. After all of this hard work, I was able to finally strengthen my weak spots. It became easier to understand my mistakes, and, by using the rules I had learned, I was able to correct them without anyone's help. As time went by, I was able to adapt to the culture here by building up an understanding of sports, movies, soap operas, social gatherings, and friends. YOU SHOULD JUST INCLUDE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT ACTIVITIES - NOT JUST LIST THEM. SOME REPEATS WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER. My vocabulary improved, and I am finally able to read at a much faster pace. (YOU ARE APPLYING TO A GOOD SCHOOL WHICH REQUIRES A LOT MORE MORE THAN GOOD READING & VOCAB SKILLS. THAT IS WHY YOUR NEXT PARAGRAPH IS WEAK.)
If move to a different country again, then I will first try to learn their language. I will use any means necessary to understand it; I will take help from friends and teachers to resolve my mistakes; I will read books to broaden my vocabulary, and try to analyze them so that I can ensure that I'm improving; and I will sign up for classes, either online or outside, so that they can help me learn faster and with rules. This will surely help me to learn any language or adapt to any culture at any point in my life."
HOW ABOUT WRITING ABOUT HOW FROM THIS EXPERIENCE, YOU CAN MORE EASILY ADAPT TO ANY NEW SITU OR LOCATION (i.e. your upcoming new college life??) YOU SHOULD GIVE STRONGER EXAMPLES (i.e. joining social or academic clubs you are interested in) SO THEY SEE YOU HAVE OVERCOME YOUR LANGUAGE STIGMA AND THAT YOU WILL INTERACT COMFORTABLY WITH OTHER STUDENTS.
Your essay is fine, but I think you can improve a little bit by adding something concrete.
BTW,this sentence makes me feel unwell:I was able to finally strengthen my weak spots.
I guess you'd better say: Finally, I was able to strengthen my weak spots.
Hey,
I don't know why, but this just doesn't jump out. The topic is good, but maybe the description is too stale for such a topic. I would really advice you to strengthen your descriptions and avoid making it ENTIRELY narrative. You know what I mean? Do this - copy your essay in a word file, press ctrl+F, and type in "I ".. dont forget that space after entering "I". You will see there are so many "I's" in this. I think that's what troubles while getting your point across. Try to avoid using those many Is. I used only about 10 in my essay!
But anyways, that's not the challenge. I would just advice to make clearer transitions and use vivid descriptions. The simple and repetitive (I did this, I had this etc.) narrative hinders imagining your situation.
That's just my view. Cheers and good luck :)
